Mentally Irregular
Rantings of a Bitter, Lonely Son of a Bitch
by Ty McClenahan (aka Viper)
viper@shadowflareindustries.com
Foreword
Any and all company names and trademarks as well as product names used in this book are not a challenge to established copyright or trademark, and are used for reference only.
About the Author / Bullshit Intro
I'm just your typical white asshole with my own way of thinking. Notice I said "white," not "Caucasian." Where the hell did that word come from anyway? A good percentage of people can't even spell it. I'm also not "Scot-Irish," "Eskimo-Welsh" or any other goddamn thing. I don't give a rat's ass where my family descended from, and I could give a shit less where anyone else came from. I don't care about family trees, which cousins married, or who anyone's great great granddaddy was. You're YOU, and I'm ME. Simple enough!?
I was the kind of kid who "doesn't play well with others." That could be partly because I always got picked on, that I got bored easy, or that I'm just nuts. I remember being on the bus in kindergarten and 2 kids from my class were playing keep away with my hat. By the time I got off the bus, they were crying and I had my hat back. Pro tip: Don't take shit from anybody. Too many total pussies in this world.
I've forgotten a lot of what I did as a kid, but I remember all the stuff that pissed me off. Oddly enough, I still feel I was right about most situations. I lost count of how many times I got punished for disagreeing with my parents and/or the school despite having a perfectly reasonable objection to something simple that really shouldn't matter.
Some kids have "chores" to do. Like most things, I consider chores to be complete and utter bullshit. Chores are nothing more than your parents giving you the shit jobs that they're too fuckin lazy to do themselves. I say if they want it done, they should fuckin do it. My parents raised chinchillas for a while, and I always got stuck giving raisins to the damn things, sweeping the floors, etc. I got tired of doing their shit jobs for them. They weren't my animals, and I wanted no goddamn part in it. However, my father threatened to shoot my dog if I didn't do his fuckin odd jobs. Great way to treat a kid, huh? He would've done it too. My parents always resorted to blackmail to get me to do things. Well, after my father's cousin ran over the dog, they had very little to threaten me with. They have even less to now, since I don't really give a fuck about anything. I refuse to let them hold anything over me. Yes, this still goes on despite the fact that I'm 28 at the time of writing most this. I still live with them, so they still try to control me.
The chinchillas weren't the only issue either. They also wanted grass cut/raked. First off, I don't give a flying squirrel's cunt what the yard looks like or how tall the goddamn grass gets. If YOU want it cut, YOU cut it! Second, I really don't like people that are obsessed with what their yard looks like in the first place. Either put in fake grass so it always looks exactly the way you want, or leave it fuckin go. Hell, get some Round Up and have a pretty brown yard instead. What the hell is so great about anything green that's not cash? It's not worth sweating your nuts off in 90 degree heat to care for your lawn. People who actually take the time to water their yard and waste water like that are especially irritating. That's just one group of many who ought to be struck by lighting...or a really big Oak tree.
I don't like the world very much. I'm not looking for some higher purpose in life, nor am I looking for some fucking fairytale about an afterlife. People are like sheep. They're stupid and follow the pack. Just do what everyone else does cause that's how the world works? Fuck that. I look at life like the pile of shit, worthless fucking existence it is. Some people believe in happy endings. Some people believe in the fucking Easter Bunny. Lots of people believe in deities from fictional works, such as the bible, and even pray to them. This usually takes place on Sundays in a big lavish building built and paid for by non-taxable donations from suckers everywhere. Sure, some people actually realize that life is a huge crock of shit, and we're all just trying to stay afloat as long as we can; however, the vast majority of people are of the other variety. Those church nuts annoy the holy hell out of me.
People are assholes. They get dragged to church as kids and get that faith shit drilled into them, and they do the same to their kids. Rich people act like their better than everyone else, and their little trouser stains treat people the same way. Racists pass on their bullshit to the next generation. People never learn anything. Times change, but the system and most of the people are always at least 2 steps behind. When someone goes against what society perceives as "normal," they're the one everybody thinks is shit nuts. It doesn't matter how logical your arguments are if people are too idiotic to actually understand them. Black and white TVs went out ages ago, but rules are still rules, and policies are still policies, no matter how fuckin stupid they are.
Why am I writing this? For shits and giggles, more or less. It's pretty obvious anything I say will fall on deaf ears. I might as well be writing in hieroglyphics or fucking Pig Latin. People are locked into their illogical ways of thinking, bullshit faiths, cults, rituals, traditions, and outright stupidity. Schools force everyone to take history classes, but nobody actually learns anything. They still want to kill each other over meaningless religious teachings, hillbilly mentality, or whatever. The rich still try to control everything and everyone, believe they're better than everyone else, and think they're above the law. They're not really above the law, but they can sure pay it to get the fuck out of their way most of the time.
School Dayz
What do you remember most about school? Do you remember the smartest people in your class (aka NERDS!)? What about the bullies or the sluttiest sluts? The class clown probably comes to mind. Well, I was the smart kid and the class clown. It made for an interesting combination. I was smart enough to know that half of what we were being forced to learn was bullshit, and I was bold enough to throw it in the teacher's faces every chance I got. I use the term "learn" loosely, since school is really just about being force fed knowledge and regurgitating it on a test. Sure you learn some math that sticks with you, but algebra, calculus, and trigonometry are all complete bullshit and a waste of your time unless you intend to be a rocket scientist or something.
I remember math in 4th grade was particularly irritating though. Not because it was difficult in any way, but because the teacher was a pain in the ass. The teacher wanted to see everyone's work, but I could do the problems in my head and just write the answers. Either the student teacher thought I was cheating, or she was just pissed cause I was smarter than her. In any case, it turned into a major dispute. I was doing things my own way or not at all. Not much has changed in 20 years. Another thing about 4th grade that sucked was those assholes trying to force music on us. They sold us these shitty plastic things that looked like mini clarinets/flutes. They were called "recorders." Record this, assholes: I had no fucking interest in music then, now or at any time what so fucking ever! You shouldn't be forced to learn shit like that. What pissed me off even more was that my parents were such idiots that they actually sided with the fucking teacher. I don't want to learn to play a musical instrument! What's so complicated about that? I'm 29 now, and that still annoys me.
Once I had a locker (6th grade?), I refused to bring home any books. Homework? Fuck you, that's MY time! You already wasted at least 8 hours of my fucking day. Know what I did? I took my homework from one class to the next and finished it there. If an assignment really sucked, I skipped it. Piss on it. The tests are worth a shitload more than homework anyway, so do half decent on tests and you pass. I guess I was always too smart for my own damn good. I spent more of 7th grade in the hallway/office than I did in class, and I was still on the goddamn honor roll.
In 5th or 6th grade, I figured out that those uncomfortable ceramic chairs in the classroom made for a great fart echo. I think I also learned to make paper footballs around that time. I made a shitload of them even though I hated sports. It was like origami for the artistically challenged. I couldn't draw for shit, but I could make a mean paper football! I also enjoyed making pointless things out of clay. I sucked at that too though. I had metal shop in 7th grade. It's a joke class, but I got my nuts in a ringer because we were expected to build a model T truck or some such shit. All I wanted to do was melt things with the torch all day. I may have roasted a few of the other students' truck parts, but you gotta keep occupied, right? I also had home economics. It wasn't as much fun as shop, but I'm sure we burned a few things. I also threw a chair at some kid that kicked me when I was down. I don't remember what the hell I was doing on the floor in the first place, but I remember getting back up to chase the little bastard with a chair.
There were actually teachers I liked. Geography class was ok. I liked the gym teacher too, but his class really pissed me off. I don't believe in wearing bullshit uniforms to play some lame game for a half hour. I'm probably being generous by even calling it a half hour, since we spent over half the class stretching and running laps. If I wanted to exercise, I'd get some fucking workout videos like the other wackos. When was the last time you heard about a kid pulling a muscle on the playground during recess? I played basketball every morning before English class, but the asshole expected everyone to stretch before playing it in gym class? bullshit. Needless to say, there were plenty of days I would have preferred to skip class and just go wack off in the locker room.
I guess the teachers didn't like me much either. I was assigned a report on yeast infections in science class once. Yeah, a guy really needs to know about that shit. I bet the fat bitch of a teacher needed info and was just too lazy to do her own research. I had another teacher that routinely threw me out of "Language Arts" class. WTF is that supposed to be, anyway? I really don't see the point of forcing kids to learn Greek mythology. Last I checked, the bible wasn't required reading in public schools. That shit amounts to the same thing, in my opinion. I remember amusing myself one day by sneezing all over my desk. It was always an easy way to gross out the girls. Well, that and putting too much hair spray in my hair then shaking it out like dandruff once it dried. I also remember that the bitch somehow came up with the rule that nobody was allowed to go to the bathroom while she was talking. EXCUSE ME!? I don't think you have the right to control anyone's bodily functions but your own.
The principal saw plenty of me, as you might have guessed. I think he generally believed everything I had to say though. Whenever I did shit, I always admitted to it. So when I denied something or accused someone else of something, he knew I wasn't bullshitting him. I got in a dispute with a substitute teacher once over what the real teacher's rules were regarding taking a test the day after you were absent. He dragged me to the principal (kicking and screaming), and I stated my case loud and clear. No detention. I got it plenty of other times though. I got in school suspension once or twice too. It's basically like all day detention. They put you in a room to do your school work and teachers take turns standing guard. Works for me, assuming I chose to actually do the assignments that day. The teachers were boring sons of bitches anyway. Anybody remember those annoying tests with questions you can answer in 2 words but the teachers wanted complete sentences? Fuck them. I got the right answer, and that's that. I had in-school suspension one time, and the asshole watching us throws a book down and demands I answer a bunch of questions in complete sentences. Sure, pal. "#1. The answer is ____." I bet that pissed him off.
Oh, let us not forget lunch at school. The assholes are all wanting kids to eat healthy. It was bad back then, but I know it's a lot worse now. The only time I bought lunch in the cafeteria was when they had pizza, pepperoni rolls, or their version of pepperoni hot pockets. Those hot pockets were awesome too, so much better than the microwave shit at the store. I also never drank milk. They didn't allow us access to the vending machines in the middle school though. If anyone was actually watching them, I went upstairs to the high school vending machines to load up on pop and candy for lunch. Fuck them. I'll eat what I goddamn please.
What about those stupid #2 pencils? We all remember those. What's so goddamn great about #2 pencils? Where the hell can I get a #1 pencil!? Fuck it. I like pens, anyway. Those tests with the bubbles to fill in, which require a #2 pencil, are especially annoying. I love multiple choice tests as much as the next guy. However, using those, the teacher might as well just announce that he/she is a lazy son of a bitch.
Don't forget about having to stand outside in the snow when it's 10 fucking degrees out waiting for the bus. Plus there's the bullshit of constantly having to monitor the TV in the when it snows to find out if school's canceled. Why don't they just have school from spring to fall and break in the winter instead of in the summer? That'd be the smart thing to do, in my opinion. Otherwise, they're always fucking around trying to make up days when they cancel. That's bullshit too. You canceled, it's done, fuck off. You're not getting an extra day out of me later. Ever seen people on the same street end up on different buses? Yep, that's real efficient. Your tax dollars at work, folks. I've even seen a bus driver hit a parked car. How the fuck do you miss a Chevy Silverado? I could see if it was one of those pissy little Mini Coopers or something.
After 7th grade, I decided school really wasn't for me anymore, so I got home-schooled. Good thing too. Had I stuck around, I probably would've been expelled for one reason or another. Schools are run by oppressive motherfuckers that think they can demand respect and give none in return. Respect is earned, assholes. They also think that students shouldn't have any rights whatsoever. They tell them what they can and can't wear, even what they can and can't have printed on t-shirts. "No hats, no sunglasses," and nobody has the balls to stand up to these assholes. Well, it's a good thing I got out before Stone Cold came about in the WWF. Those shirts obviously would not have gone over well, and I'm not into censorship. I probably would've opened a can of whoop ass on someone Stone Cold style too at some point. Some schools also have these "zero tolerance" policies on fighting. Might as well call it a zero logic policy. Some kid gets his ass kicked by a bully and they both get suspended/expelled. That's right. Now they even punish people for getting beat up! Between the insane, arbitrary, illogical, rules and the perpetual presence of bullies in schools, is it any wonder that some kids just go fucking postal?
I guess it's a good thing that I got out before Ritalin and other psychiatric solutions became big in schools. Kids who refuse to go along and do what they're told nowadays just get diagnosed as having some bullshit problems and have pills crammed down their throats or counseling to make them be like everyone else. Some kids might be genuinely fucked up, but others are just like I was. Schools are no better than the military. They don't want kids thinking for themselves. They want them to follow orders. Hell, they even force kids to pledge to the flag in the morning. What exactly is that supposed to teach our youth? It's another forced ritual that's meaningless itself. Nothing has any meaning if you're simply forced to do it. Another thing I was glad to avoid was the addition of metal detectors in schools. If you're unlucky enough to have to deal with that shit, I suggest wearing chain mail just to fuck with the rent-a-cops. Genital piercings would probably make things interesting too, if you're into that sort of thing.
Homeschooling is somewhat interesting, if you like solitude, flexible schedules, and being stuck with psychotic parents all the time. The curriculum wasn't much different than a real school would be, except for some bullshit reading requirement. You end up meeting other home-schoolers from time to time. Of course, they're mostly shut-in religious folks that I wanted nothing to do with. You have to be pretty fucked up to play sports in a dress. One of those nutty bitches actually played volleyball in a dress all the time though. I'll never understand people. I wore Stone Cold shirts with "swear" words on them. Nobody really seemed to notice. Maybe I should have gone in drag once just to see if the assholes would actually react to something.
I was also invited to play volleyball with one of my father's relatives on their church team at some point in high school. I wore my Stone Cold shirts for that too. Some old bastard actually had the balls to throw me out one night because my shirt had the word "ass" on it. Why do religious nuts always forget about everything besides Freedom of Religion? I didn't play volleyball again until college. It was entertaining returning a ball off my head and watching the other team look stupid when they found out that it actually counts.
That leads me to college, I suppose--another complete fucking waste of precious time that could've been used to play video games or jerk off. Yes, college. Go take a bunch of bullshit classes that have no bearing on any career you might be interested in, which are run by pompous assholes who think that their particular field is of some monumental importance instead of the painfully boring degree requirement that it really is. It's just amazing that people still put up with this shit as if putting themselves in debt for the next 20 years is somehow going to benefit them later. You might as well go buy a new car and get a job at Walmart. Same fuckin difference.
I went to Penn State Shenango for just over 2 years before I finally woke up and quit. I had been isolated so long before I started college that I apparently forgot my balls at home for the longest time. My real attitude came back to me at some point, obviously. During my first semester, I was invited to join the Lion Ambassadors. That was another mistake. The ambassadors were one of the clubs on campus, except it was by invitation only. They worked with the admissions office. It started out simple enough. Help with open houses, plan fund raisers, etc. Well, every event we planned pretty much failed miserably. The group was filled with some of the dumbest smart kids I've ever met. Well, I got through the first year. At least we figured out where the best room on campus to have our meetings would be the 2nd year. We picked the air conditioned computer lab and reserved it at noon on Wednesdays all that year. As luck would have it, some professor had a class in there right before us. I don't think the class even had anything to do with computers, but the bitch kept staying late all the time. At one point, I got fed up and told her to get the hell out. Of course, that made the guy from the admissions office flip out cause I was rude to a bitch with a PhD. Yeah, you guessed it. That was the end of my experience as an ambassador. Frankly, being run over by one might've been more fun.
Why the fuck do some people have such a hard-on for education? None of it means a damn thing. They don't teach you jack shit, even when you get into the actual courses for your major. What the flying fuck does the AT&T Monopoly have to do with Networking? I don't know, but my asshole professor made it worth 12 points on the fucking exam. The next question was to describe, in technical detail, how a telephone receiver works. Again: what the fuck?!?!? That's not to mention the Hardware exam including shit like what IDE stands for and how many pins certain ports on the computer have, etc. Who gives a fuck how many pins there are!? I know what the hell plugs in where (no thanks to you assholes), and that's all that matters. And who the hell cares what IDE stands for? That's why they invented the acronym!! You buy a Hard Drive, you buy an "IDE" or "SATA" device, not an "Integrated Drive Electronics" device. They print "IDE," "ATA," etc. on everything. NOONE uses the full bloody name! People who go to school for computer related stuff usually go with the intention of learning something USEFUL for a goddamn career! Not complete bullshit, and not outdated programming languages. I've had people tell me their school is improperly teaching lame shit like HTML 3.0/4.0 and teaching useless junk like Java. Javascript is good, Java is just plain useless. They should be teaching XHTML and CSS2 for fuck sakes.
Anyone considering taking Microsoft certification? Don't bother. Half the shit is still based off Win95 and DOS. What the blue fuck!? And take a look at the A+ test questions. Total shit. They actually expect people to pay like $150 to take that goddamn test? Half the questions don't even have any relevance. There's even a bunch of bullshit questions about how to deal with customers. This isn't business Management 101, assholes! You couldn't pay me to take that test or any other Microsoft certification. Fuck you, Microsoft. Fuck you very much.
Another thing that pisses me off is seeing these stupid degrees on display. Why do people feel the need to frame their degree and put it on the wall to show it off? Fuck you. Anybody can spend a fortune and get one of those lame ass things. How bout being somebody with enough confidence/self esteem that you don't need to show off your stupid degree from Dog Twat University? College is such bullshit. It also pisses me off when people act like it matters which college they went to and that it's the greatest. "I graduated Redneck College in Deer Nuts, Arkansas!" Get bent. The immature assholes that like to advertise which fraternity they got drunk and fucked sheep at need a cup of shut the hell up too.
By the way, why does practically every college have "state" in the name now? Penn State, Ohio Sate, etc make sense, but Youngstown State University? Last I checked, Youngstown was NOT a state. That always bothered me. I know, they're state funded or certified or some stupid shit, right? Well, what's the point in advertising it? It may have meant something when there were only a few schools like that, but now they're all the same. That makes it kind of meaningless.
Going to college doesn't make you smart. It just means you have the patience to deal with that lame shit. Just because someone has Microsoft certification doesn't mean they know dick about computers. Remember that. These fucking companies want people with that stupid piece of paper, even though there are usually people without one who are just as qualified if not better for the task. Then there are always the complete and total assholes that only have their job because they know somebody. It's really a lot like medieval times; if you're not noble, you're fucked.
Some of the professors at these colleges are such assgoblins it's unreal. They take a simple required class and make it hell. They need to realize that 99% of the students in their classes aren't majoring in whatever lame ass general education subject they're teaching, and stop running them like they're fucking masters level classes. When over half the class is failing, it should be obvious that the problem lies with the professor and not the students, and the college should fucking do something about it. I don't care what kind of degree a professor has on their wall. It doesn't give them license to put students through hell and fuck up their otherwise good GPAs.
Anyone going to law school? Goodie for you. Have fun paying off student loans for the next 20 years. You may as well be working at Burger King for all you'll have to show for the first half of your career. Hell, by the time you graduate and pay off your loans you'll probably only be a few years from the old farts' home. Wouldn't college be so much cheaper if you only had to take the classes that were actually relevant to the degree you want? I mean come on. Doesn't the fact that there are 20 year olds filing for bankruptcy and/or committing suicide over the debt caused by college indicate to anyone that's there's a major fucking malfunction here!?!?
They even rape you for textbooks! I know somebody that spent $400 on used books for ONE class! What the fuck is wrong with these professors!? The publishers need to go fuck themselves too. Why the hell do we need a 14th edition of every book?
Know any career students? There's another load of shit: these idiots that just stay in school forever, and the rich, stupid parents that keep paying for year after year of worthless education because their kid doesn't have the balls to join the real world. Yeah, fuck them too.
While I consider the Amish culture to be ass backwards and completely obsolete, they do have the right idea about one thing. They only go to school until 8th grade. Really, what the fuck did you learn after 8th grade in school? That's when they really start piling on the bullshit: Algebra, Trigonometry, Calculus, more History, English classes full of Shakespeare shit, and foreign fucking languages. This is America. Nobody should be forced to learn anything but English. After 8th grade, they don't teach you ANYTHING useful. You should be able to opt to take the test for a GED at the end of 8th grade and be done with it.
You know what else pisses me off about schools? Their obsession with sports. Who the fuck wants to be in a college classroom with a bunch of brainless, hungover jocks that are only there to play sports and don't want to learn anything? Plus, those fuckers take all the seats in the easy classes! Why not let them go straight from high school to pro sports, shrink their nuts with steroids, get arrested for some stupid (probably drug-related) offense, and get it over with? I also despise these schools for wasting tax money on the shit. Last I heard, school taxes were meant for education. Maybe if they dropped some of the bullshit like football and get rid of the classes that teach useless shit, our taxes would be lower. I heard one of the schools nearby spends four grand a month to keep the lights on at the football field all night, every night. Ever think of saving little energy, assholes!? As far as sports programs in general go, they should only be paid for by the people that actually give a rat's testicle about them. Here's a thought for these schools: SELL TICKETS to the games! People want this shit, let THEM pay the fuckin admission price.
Colleges may seem to give you more freedom than high school, but in reality, they're not much better. In some ways, they're worse. I've heard of professors that require their students to buy an electronic monitoring device just so they can tell who's in class. Like nobody's going to give theirs to a friend? Once again I have to question the logic of the dickhead who came up with that, but I also have to question the students who still put up with the classes. WHY put up with these batshit insane professors?
I've heard about programming classes where you get penalized for being too smart. Isn't that lovely? The professor insists that assignments only be done 1 way, matching the professor's own programming style. Most computer literate folks will tell you that's a complete load of shit. It should be about making a program perform a specific function, not how well you can mimic the professor. If it was me, I'd be accusing the professor of fearing students that are smarter than him/her. I'd also accuse them of being a tight ass, prick, son of a bitch with a superiority complex. That's just me though.
There are also plenty of colleges that charge for parking in campus lots. If the 20 grand these cocksuckers charge a semester for classes isn't enough to cover student parking, I'd tell them to go fuck themselves. Schools should be obligated to provide adequate fuckin parking at no extra charge if they expect anyone to show up for class. However, once again we're plagued by pussies that just go along with the rules no matter how wrong they are, so things never change.
These colleges also have a reputation for covering things up. They don't care who gets into trouble or who gets raped. They just want to keep it quiet and keep the money coming in. They pressure/talk students into letting them handle things instead of the cops. Why do people go along with that? The most likely reason is probably fear of being thrown out of college, losing scholarships, etc. There are other schools. Please stop being wussies and stand up for yourselves.
Time To Get a Job...or Not
Just before quitting college, I spent a summer working at WalMart. They were remodeling that year, so I got stuck on the remodeling crew. We worked midnights, so at least there weren't any customers around to annoy us. I hate people, in case you hadn't noticed. Anyway, there were nights I ended up stocking shelves. When you had a pile of cardboard, you couldn't just take it back and throw it in the bailer. Nah, those are locked. Apparently, it's such a sophisticated piece of equipment, that only the managers have keys to it. I'm supposed to page a manager to unlock the fucking thing so I can throw cardboard in it? W-h-a-t t-h-e f-u-c-k? If you want to move a pallet, you have the same problem. The power jacks and walker-stackers all require keys, which again, only a manager has. Sure, you can use an old hand jack, but not if there's a power jack parked under the pallet you fucking need! You can't even move the goddamn thing without a key. It's stupidity at its best. The goddamn dumpster is even locked up. That's right. You can't throw anything away without a manager's supervision. Fuck that.
After college, I worked at a grocery store. They stuck me in Dairy & Frozen food which, as you might imagine, was fucking cold! The bailers were locked there too, but the key is in a desk drawer or hanging on the wall right nearby. It's more convenient, but it's still fuckin stupid. I started leaving the lock off since I was the only one that was really near that particular bailer most of the night. Naturally, I got chewed out by the store manager about it every once in a while. I hated that store manager from the beginning though. I was stocking ice cream one day, and a customer asked me for some item that was on special in grocery. Not knowing how the grocery backroom was organized, and just naturally being lazy about it, I asked another guy in the back. While I'm talking to him, I notice this trail of sugar on the floor leading from Receiving all the way down the hall; it was leaked from a pallet that had just been unloaded. The store manager came around the corner and immediately asked if I was on break. Obviously, I wasn't. She says, "Clean up that sugar." Fuck you, bitch. I'm not a Grocery clerk, I'm damn well not Maintenance, and I have a load of ice cream on the sales floor. Clean up your own fuckin sugar. Now, my boss agreed with me and commented that the grocery manager never would've asked me to do shit. I was on the store manager's bad side now though. Another thing I got into shit over was not checking prices for customers when the tags were missing. Is it MY fault the goddamn tags keep falling off the shelves? I don't have a price scanner up my ass. Go away. This bitch was also the one writing the schedule, so we got into it over that as well. This silly cunt, for whatever reason, thought that everyone should work both shifts. Most of the time I'd be working afternoons, but I'd end up stuck working early a day or two every week. I told her to knock that shit off. I'm either day turn or afternoon turn: PICK ONE! Well, she didn't get the message. The next schedule that was posted still had me on day turn once. I Ripped the schedule off the wall, slammed it down on her desk, and pointed at it. That was the last fuckin time I worked dayturn. It wasn't just getting up early or the disruption to my routine that pissed me off. I also had a run in with one of the manager's lackeys. I came in one morning and started changing end caps to the new specials. This lady comes over and starts bitching at me because she already made signs for the shit that was there. Is that my fucking fault!? Hell no! I didn't ask the bitch that normally stocks makeup and rubbers to invade MY fucking department and make signs for the wrong shit. I didn't ask to get stuck on day turn in place of a guy that normally starts at 5am, which I would not fucking do. I would've liked to ask her to stay in her own fucking department and the hell away from me in the future. Toward the end of my illuminating career as a stock boy, that store manager instituted a 5 minute meeting for each shift. Everyone is expected to drop what they're doing and go listen to this bitch (or whatever manager is there) spew the daily stats. I don't care what the store projected, what the actual sales were, or what they think it might do tomorrow. All I care about is getting the work done, collecting my paycheck, and going the fuck home. When asked why I was ignoring the meetings, I flat out told the store manager that I didn't give a shit. I was nearly fired for insubordination that day. If I wasn't one of the hardest workers they had, they probably wouldn't have put up with me nearly as long as they did. If I was really being myself, like now, I would've been lucky to last a week.
Working in a grocery store pissed me off on many occasions. We always got stuck with lazy high school kids in the dairy department that only worked a few hours a night and didn't do shit anyway. Of course, management usually refused to do anything about them. The assholes should've been working out front or gone. They don't belong in the back. Hell, they're probably the only reason for the locks on bailers and shit in the back. Some stupid kid probably crushed himself or someone else in a bailer one time so some assholes got their panties in a bunch and decided that minors must be protected from the big bad cardboard bailers. Then the idiots from front end, for some reason, can't even be expected to return damaged products to the right motherfucking departments. The front end manager didn't care. The prick bastard wouldn't even acknowledge that it could've been his people doing it. Well, who the fuck else is lazy and incompetent enough to pull that shit!? Also, what the fuck all are those cameras for? They existed in the back room as well as the sales floor. Would it kill somebody to pull up the video and start chewing people out? I actually had some kid bring damaged eggs back to me while I was stocking shelves and ask where they go. I told the little bastard to go get his boss to train him properly, cause that wasn't my problem. Yeah, that pissed off some bitch that was running things out front that afternoon. Oh well, what else is new? Had I stuck around, I probably would have gone through the damages each day, loaded up the shit the didn't belong to my department, and put it on the front end manager's desk. One of the assholes from front end also threatened to "wait for me in the parking lot after work" just because I told him not to smoke in my goddamn dairy back room. Who needs this shit? Why not just come by and jolt me with a cattle prod once in a while? I should've started demanding anyone that smoked in the back room get written up. Both the managers that were normally back there smoked themselves though. I probably would've ended up having to resort to something a little more subtle, like taking cigarettes off people and pissing on them right there in the stock room.
Unions need to go too. You shouldn't be forced to join the goddamn union when you work at certain places. Hell, they automatically deduct union dues from your check. What the fuck right do they have to touch MY paycheck? They're not the goddamn IRS! I worked at a union store and a non-union store. I have to say, I liked the non-union store better. May just be store policy, but the union store was always more annoying. I had a manager on my ass just because I punched back in from breaks too soon. Bite my ass. It's all in the computer, and it takes longer to locate and bitch at me than it does to fix, so shut the fuck up. At the non-union store I didn't even have to punch for 15 minute breaks. My guess always was that the store had to prove to the union that everyone was getting their breaks. Whatever the case, it still pissed me off. People also shouldn't have the right to go on strike. I'm tired of hearing about that shit on the news. Either work for what the company is paying, or go look for a new fuckin job. It's that simple. Companies shouldn't be run by the union assholes. Those assholes with picket signs deserve to get run over by management. Fuck them. Unions may have been necessary in the old days, but not anymore. There's a reason labor laws exist now. Far as I can tell they cover most of the shit that caused unions to form in the first place.
I haven't worked in over 8 years now. Relatives and other people constantly insist: "You have to get a job. You have to work." WHY!? Cause YOU fucking say so? "That's how life works." Well, I disagree. Basically, I don't give a flying fuck how everyone else thinks life works. I think it's bullshit. Spend half your life in school putting up with shit and learning mostly pointless garbage that's not in any way useful for a career, and spend the other half punching a time clock at some company that doesn't give a rat's ass about you. I just have no desire to become a working stiff. Busting your balls just to break even/survive is stupid. Hell, look at all these people getting laid off because the companies are moving overseas or shutting down. There's no job security anymore. Deal with it. You're all expendable, so don't kill yourself trying to seem useful.
Why do we do it? Why do we agree to dedicate 40-60 hours a week to some goddamn company? When you break it down, an 8 hour day really blows about 10 hours depending on your commute. If you drive 25 minutes to and from work and have a 30 minute or 60 minute lunch, that's shooting another hour or more out of your day. Not to mention the cost of gas and eating lunch out. Add in taxes and you're really not making much after everyday expenses. I would never give up 5 days out of my week again. Really, I just won't work again. I don't like getting up early in the morning, so that rules out day turn. If I actually had something to do in the evening (girlfriend, fuck buddy, hooker), afternoon turn and midnights would interfere with that. Right now, it would also prevent me from watching House! I can't see only having 2 days of true freedom per week. Fuck that. Give me welfare/disability and food stamps. Just as good. These days, you're either rich or your fucked anyway, so why kill yourself just to break even? Guess what, all those bullshit taxes you pay are either going in the pockets of lazy bastards like me, to old farts that should've been put to sleep already, or to other lame ass causes. What about health insurance? It's free if you're a welfare bum, but if you actually make money then you have to pay for that shit too. Basically, you're fucked either way. Why be stuck in the middle of the food chain busting your ass to barely break even. If you're not rich, you may as well be a welfare bum. Plenty of people work themselves to death 5, 6, even 7 days a week while they pretty much have the same quality of life that people on welfare do. The only difference is the people that work have a lot less free time. Take waitresses as an example. They can spend 8 hours waiting tables and leave with less than 20 dollars in tips. That's not even enough for gas anymore! They only make like $2 an hour for being there, so where's the upside?
My father was a slave to his parents growing up on the family farm. The Amish that knew him back then said they wouldn't want to be him for anything. They said they had horses to do their work; he was his parents' horse. Then he went to work in a mill on top of doing shit on the farm to help his parents. He's had 6 back surgeries for his trouble, along with a nasty bone infection he picked up on the operating table the last time. He'll have back problems as long as he lives. Call me crazy, but I think I'll quit while I'm ahead.
People work so hard planning a life for themselves, but they're really just letting life pass them by. Big deal, you can save up some money thinking you'll have fun when you retire, but you don't realize how pointless that is. By the time you're old enough to retire, you're too old to enjoy it! You'll probably have all kinds of health problems, arthritis, alzheimers, etc. You'll just sit in front of the tv, or sit outside on your porch like an idiot watching everybody. You'll be living off Social Security, if it's still there, and wishing you hadn't wasted so goddamn much of your youth trying to plan your future. "The future is right now." Think you've got the world figured out? Take your head out of your ass, and wipe the shit from your eyes. Think about your daily routine and think about how much time you waste on shit you'd rather not be doing. You only get one chance. Look at the way the guy on Titanic (Jack Dawson) lived, and he loved it. You know the saying, "all work and no play..." That's what I'm talking about. Too many people don't bother with any kind of social life. They work 2 jobs trying to pay for college or shit, and they never really take time to enjoy themselves.
I look at society, and all I see is bullshit. They make kids get up at 5 in the morning to get to school on time, load them up with so much homework they spend half the goddamn night doing it, and they think it actually means something. You're only a kid once. You shouldn't be expected to spend all day and night on school activities. When I was in school, I almost never brought schoolwork (or books) home. When you're at school, that's their time. When you're home, that's YOUR time! Note to all teachers: YOU SUCK!
Then the college bound tend to work their asses off, study for hours, and keep the goddman coffee joints in business even though they're not even learning anything useful for a career. When I went for Networking (which wasn't my main interest anyway) none of the classes for the major even covered anything useful for a career. It was all garbage. So why am I paying to learn this bullshit? I quit. People always talk about getting the college education so they can get a good job, Not "good" as in fun, but "good" as in $$$$$$$. My cousin is exactly the kind of person I hate. She went for nursing because it pays good and nurses are always in demand, not because she has any interest in actually helping anyone but herself. I was relieved when she flunked out of the RN program, but the crazy, loud mouth whore ended up getting LPN anyway. Bitches like her are the reason there are so many medical mistakes these days.
Don't even get me started on "careers" in the military. Why do people think it's so great to serve their country? You're not serving shit. All you're doing is learning to follow orders, which is pretty much expected at any type of job and all through your fuckin childhood. Personally, I'm tired of being told what the fuck to do! They don't want free thinking individuals. They want brainwashed fucking robots. Why do you have to enlist? Why can't you quit like other jobs? Because if they let people walk away when they wanted to, they'd have one small fuckin army. So much for freedom. And what's with the hair cuts? Does your hair need to be a specific weight to aim accurately? Fuck off. What about all their other bullshit rules? They'll courtmarshal your ass for fucking another soldier too. Yes, fucking is a punishable offense in the military. Imagine that. These morons think their fighting for our freedom. They oughtta start fighting for their own. The amount of freedom they have is probably comparable to prison inmates. Let us not forget the children and others who suffer because they're part of a military family. Not only does your father/husband think he's the commander and chief of the fucking household, but you also have to leave town whenever the fuck the military decides to reassign his ass for any reason they see fit with no fucking choice in the matter. You get to leave your friends and all you know behind and start over somewhere else for an undetermined amount of time. Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit.
Military training can even be used against them! Ever seen Con Air? If they get into it with anyone off base, they get the fuckin book thrown at them. If they kill somebody in self defense, they'll still do time because of their training. That's a hell of a 'thank you' from Uncle Sam.
It's not just the military that causes people to move though. Plenty of assholes find that special someone, then expect the person to follow them all over the country for their career. Am I the only one that thinks it's idotic!? Ok, it's "love." That's no excuse for the person who claims to love you to do it to you. Fuck that! If you love someone, put them first, NOT your fucking job, NOT your fucking career ambitions, and NOT your fucking drinking buddies.
I also can't stand these Wall Street wackjobs. I dislike the entire practice of buying and selling stock. The average people that just buy a few shares of this or that are usually too dumb to actually make any money off them anyway. My parents bought stock before and always sat on it until it was worth nothing. They didn't even know how to sell it! I'll never see the appeal of risky investments. Of course, I don't even like banks. It's pretty crazy when a bank actually goes broke. It should never happen, but it does because of the fucked up world we live in.
The Softer Side of Things
I've never had many friends, but when I do, my mother usually manages to fuck that up for me. She always finds a reason to not like anyone I spend time with. Sound familiar? I'm sure I'm not the only one that gets shit like that. Well, I've actually managed to hang onto one special friend for ~5 years now--and 2 that came along with her. Val was a waitress at Waffle House, and I guess I had a bit of a waffle addiction at the time. Plus, I wasn't used to gorgeous women chatting me up. After a while, we became friends. Her ex worked there as well. They got into it pretty bad one day and both ended up unemployed. After that, I tried to be there for Val and her daughter, who was two at the time. Of course, my mother sees me throwing money away trying to help my friend, and starts going apeshit. Somehow, I've managed to keep in touch with them though. Raegan just turned 5 and we all celebrated her birthday at Chucky Cheese. That rat came over to me and put his hand out. I didn't know whether he wanted a slap or a tip. Hey, it was a new experience. I never would've considered having kids before I met these people. Now, I don't know. I suppose it's a moot point, since I'll never find a girlfriend anyway.
I have another friend who used to work at Waffle House too, but I actually met her when I worked at a grocery store years before that. We keep in touch, but I rarely see her. My only other friends would be some nerds I know online. Some of them come to visit once a year now, which is pretty cool. They come out for a weekend to play computer games and shoot guns here on the farm.
As far as the dating issue, I've always been a quiet guy; kind of a nerd. I'm not into the bar scene. I don't drink. Hell, I'm like the guys on American Pie, etc. I couldn't get laid if my life depended on it. I'll be 30 soon, and I've never been on a goddamn date. How pathetic is that? It's bugging the shit out of me, but I don't know what to do. I tried match.com. I had no luck on there either. Half the profiles are girls that haven't signed in for months anyway. Even when I came across a girl that appealed to me and had actually signed in recently, I got no response to my email. It's not very often I find someone worth emailing either, since the cute ones are too fucking far away or they have like 4 kids. Basically, I'm fucked. So what's a guy like me to do? I'm tired of being the smart guy with shit for social skills. These dating sites are such a total rip off it's unbelievable though. They want to charge out the ass for a few simple features like email and private messaging, that there are literally thousands of other ways to do for free online. Plenty of social networking sites are completely free with a shitload more features. I think the only people who continue to tolerate this shit are the ones that barely know how to operate the computer in the first place and just don't know any better. I won't waste my money again. That's for sure.
I hate to say it, but girls would probably only piss me off anyway. The younger ones are all busy cause they're going to college while working 1 or 2 jobs etc, and the older ones wouldn't want anything to do with a bum like me. I remember one time some guy I was shooting pool with introduced me to his girlfriend's sister. We talked for a few minutes, and she was paying more attention to her goddamn cell phone than she was to me. Everywhere I go, I look at women and they're too busy talking or texting to even notice me.
Something else I've pondered is the way girls expect guys to blow all their money on them. Personally, I have no problem with buying a girl dinner. However, it goes to reason that if all these fucking feminists want true equality between men and women that shit needs to go. I've known people who spent time in other countries, and they actually had women buy them drinks. Things aren't the same everywhere. Of course, then there are still ass backward cultures that treat women as property and mutilate them so they can never enjoy sex. Why the fuck women still put up with half that shit is beyond me.
There was a guy on the Flight of the Phoenix remake that said it pretty well: "All a man needs in this life is someone to love. If you can't give him that, give him something to hope for. If you can't give him that... give him something to do." I'm tired of just looking for something to do.
Where the Fuck Did You Learn to Drive!?
At some point while being a disgruntled college student, I finally got around to getting my driver's license. I lived on a farm, so I already had driving experience. It wasn't anything new. I always drive with 1 hand and 1 foot. My mother is one of those nuts that has one foot on the gas and the other foot perpetually on the brake. I won't let her drive my truck cause it'd need a fucking brake job by the time I got it back. Anyway, I took my driver's test and was a bit confused by one of the requirements on the road test. It's not that I didn't understand how to do it. I just didn't understand what the fuck business it had being part of the test. Why the hell should I be required to parallel park? You can go your whole life without parallel parking. In fact, I hate when people parallel park. The road is for going places, assholes!
Even buying vehicles pisses me off. You go to the notary and buy plates. Simple right? Here's the problem. They can hand you big tin plates, but they can't give you the goddamn little registration sticker to put on them. WHY!? instead, they stick you with a bullshit temp paper that has to be stuck to your rear window. What asshole came up with this? "Oh, it's temp registration." Tell that to the glue on that fucking thing! You ever try to get that shit off the window? Think about picking gum out of your hair and multiply the aggravation, like having the whole fucking pack stuck to your head. I think if I ever get one of those again, I'll find a suction cup with a clip on it.
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