Hardline Self Help
Tweet™-able Tough Love Quotes
Volume 1
by
Paula Renaye
SMASHWORDS EDITION
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PUBLISHED BY:
Diomo Books on Smashwords
Discover other titles by Paula Renaye at Smashwords.com:
The Hardline Self Help Handbook (2011)
Living and Loving on Purpose (Coming in 2012)
Hardline Self Help Tweet-able Quotes, Volume 1
Copyright © 2011 by Diomo Books
Smashwords Edition License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.
All rights reserved. Quotes may be used only with appropriate credit to Paula Renaye. No other use is allowed without express written consent of the copyright owner.
Tweet and Twitter and related terms are the exclusive property of Twitter and its licensors and are protected by copyright, trademark, and other laws of both the United States and foreign countries.
This book is not a substitute for professional services such as psychological counseling, nutritional guidance and medical care. Individuals are expected to take personal responsibility for their health and get the professional care and guidance needed.
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Happy Pills, Shock Therapy and the Other Way
Who Are You Trying to Convince, Me or You?
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The format of this book is simple—there is none. Each quote generally gets its own page, but not always. Also, it isn’t just a book of quotes. You’ll find a few articles and a few "Hardline How-to’s" that expand on a quote and challenge you to do a little more digging for insights.
A lot of the quotes come directly from my award-winning "self tough love guide," The Hardline Self Help Handbook. Others are from various articles and writings that I’ve published or talks I’ve given. Some are just things I wanted to say. All have been adapted and edited to fit the 140-character Tweet format. That means sometimes there will be a "&" where I’d prefer the word "and," and sometimes there won’t be a space after the period before my name—just the way it is.
Thank you in advance for sharing whichever of these quotes inspire and motivate you—and especially for being brave enough to pass along those the ones that make you cringe and wish you didn’t know what they meant.
To make using the quotes easier, I put my name beside each one. It’s repetitive, but it makes it easier for those with the PDF version to copy and paste, and it made it easier for me to be sure everything would fit into the allowed space, which is the whole point of the book. So, use the quotes freely, just give me the appropriate credit—or blame!
Since you may have not yet read The Hardline Self Help Handbook or my prolific blog posts and know my story, let’s be clear on a few things. One, I gained these little gems of wisdom the hard way, and two, there’s not a single thing I write about where I say "you" that I don’t mean "me."
Yes, I’ve learned a lot and I am happy for it. I will also continue to work on doing and being better as long as I breathe. One way I do that is to look for ways for my higher self to get messages to me.
So, if you’re looking for insight on an issue, try a little bibliomancy. Open this book to any page and see what speaks to you. It could be a validation, confirmation or consternation, but whatever it is, embrace it and figure out what it means for you.
Live your joy!
Paula Renaye
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Hardline Self Help
Tough Love Thoughts
to Think About and Share
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In spite of all the quick-fix drug ads to the contrary, the best feel-good pharmacy is between your ears. - Paula Renaye
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It's hard to take that first look in the reality mirror and not blink, but it’s absolutely essential. - Paula Renaye
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Good relationships do not feel bad. - Paula Renaye
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Feeling trapped and powerless is the first step in realizing the only power anything has over you is the power you give it. - Paula Renaye
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If you want sugar, do not go to the salt maker. - Paula Renaye
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Choosing to stay in pain isn’t only masochistic, it’s insane, and if you had an ounce of self-respect, you wouldn’t do it. - Paula Renaye
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If you find yourself criticizing, blaming and looking for how others are doing you wrong, you can rest assured, it's about you. Paula Renaye
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It isn’t what you want or don’t want, or do or don’t do, that’s revealing, it’s the why behind it. - Paula Renaye
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If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard the words "tell me what to do," I’d be writing this from my beach house, mountain chalet or private jet. I’ve heard those desperate words uttered by clients, friends and people attending my talks and workshops, and yes many, many times from my own lips. Please, please, tell me what to do.
The unfortunate part of that whole equation—besides my not yet having the beach house, mountain chalet or jet—is that despite our desperation, even if someone did give us the perfect recipe to fix our problems, we wouldn’t use it. We’d claim it wouldn’t work or didn’t apply to our totally unique situation. Ask me how I know.
I absolutely hated it when my best friend quoted Richard Bach’s classic and painfully true words from Illusions: "Argue for your limitations and sure enough they’re yours." Oh, how that pissed me off! I was not arguing for my limitations, thank you very much. I didn’t choose the mess I was in—no one in their right mind would do that. None of it was my fault and there wasn’t a thing I could do to change anything. Why couldn’t she understand I was a helpless victim with no power over anything?
In the last few days, I’ve worked with several people who are in that same agonizing place of confusion and turmoil—not to mention denial and delusion. All are being presented with a tremendous opportunity to make a big shift in perception—and all predictably have their heels dug in, resisting it with everything they’ve got.
There’s no talking them out of their limitations using logic either because they have an argument to back up every one just as I did. They’re wearing their victimhood like a martyr’s crown as they rant and rave about those who have wronged them, loudly proclaiming the injustice of it all. And woe be unto anyone who dares suggest they have other options and choices besides accepting the same pitiful treatment and circumstances for the rest of their lives.
Their pain is excruciating to watch. It is also a potent reminder of how exponentially more painful it is on the inside looking out. I know what it feels like to be on that precipice of wanting out of pain, but not willing to admit what’s causing it. I too begged repeatedly for someone to tell me what to do.
And, like me, these people aren’t quite ready to fully embrace the reality of hearing the answer to "tell me what to do." At this point, what they’re really saying is, "Tell me what to do so things can go back the way they were when I could tolerate them—tell me how to stop this pain without having to make any changes in myself or my life."
When we are begging for someone else to tell us what to do, we are almost ready to find the answer for ourselves. The problem is that we can stay in that stuck place of being almost ready for a very long time, waiting for others to give us answers that we can’t accept and refusing to hear our own.
As a friend, the best thing we can do for those stuck in that muck is to encourage without enabling—or disabling. Sure, listen for a while, but there comes a point where empathy, sympathy and commiseration are just helping the person stay in misery. There comes a point where it’s time for everyone to "pick up their bed and walk."
Sometimes we have to be the one to deliver that news—sometimes we have to be the one to hear it. Either way, the most loving thing we can do is help each other face reality and do what we already know we need to do.
Do it and start living your joy now!
Paula Renaye
Read more about my journey in the multi-award-winning Hardline Self Help Handbook.
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Like it or not, sometimes the best motivation for taking action is to avoid the pain it will cause if we don’t. - Paula Renaye
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"No one can ever be more by your being less." - Paula Renaye
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Denial and delusion can keep reality at bay temporarily, but the longer you ignore it, the worse the reckoning will be. - Paula Renaye
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You can twist and burn over past wrongs if you want, but the only person you’re getting back at is yourself. - Paula Renaye
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How often do we dig in our heels to prove we are "right" simply so we don't have to be "wrong"? - Paula Renaye
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Before you can realistically expect your dreams to come true you have to figure out why they haven’t already. - Paula Renaye
What do you want? Describe what your dream—your happiness—looks like.
What are you doing about it? List 5 things you’ve done this week to make that dream a reality.
What’s working? Of those 5 things, explain how each is getting you closer to your goal—or how it isn’t.
Want more? In Chapter 16 of The Hardline Self Help Handbook, you’ll take the information you gathered in the first 15 chapters and pull them all together to take what’s been holding you back and turn it into the roadmap for fulfilling your dreams.
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People who are truly happy generally don’t feel compelled to provide supporting evidence of it, they just are. - Paula Renaye
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Grow a spine and make the choices that someone with self-respect would. - Paula Renaye
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Are you being who you want to be or who you think you have to be? - Paula Renaye
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You can’t live indefinitely pretending you have what you want and fearing what will happen if you admit you don’t. - Paula Renaye
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Limiting yourself so others won’t feel bad about their lives & choices is an excuse. How dare you be less than your very best? -Paula Renaye
PS: This includes parents, children, family, friends and partners.
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We must reconcile our need to be free of our limitations with the desire to hide from the consequences of our choices. - Paula Renaye
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Like the caterpillar, we must allow our deconstruction so we can be rebuilt without the limitations of our past. - Paula Renaye
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Stress and worry WILL show up in your physical body. Deal with the real issue so your body doesn’t have to. - Paula Renaye
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The Gray Cloud Crowd doesn’t want to hear your Suzy Sunshine spin on how the glass is really half full—they like it half empty. Paula Renaye
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Someone may hurt you once, but you hurt yourself every time you replay the "what they did to me" movie. - Paula Renaye
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Eating that donut when you swore you wouldn’t teaches your inner self that you can’t be trusted to do what you say. - Paula Renaye
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As long as we expect someone else to make us happy, we will stay stuck, confused and miserable. - Paula Renaye
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Is the dragon you know you must slay the same one you fear you will die without? - Paula Renaye
List 5 things you’re most afraid someone will suggest you do, such as quit your job, move, change how you spend your free time, get a divorce, etc.
Once you have the list, you have your dragons.
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When we ignore something that is wrong or hurting us, we are not being respectful to ourselves. - Paula Renaye
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Does life just seem to "happen" to you? Make a list of the things you do on purpose then add to the list. - Paula Renaye
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We fear that if we don’t do what we think others want, we will be rejected, abandoned and left utterly alone. - Paula Renaye
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If you know your job is killing you, step back and figure out why. Then, either change your attitude or your job. - Paula Renaye
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People who love and respect themselves are too busy leading their own lives to waste time on the flaws of others. - Paula Renaye
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If you wind up with lemon cake when you really want chocolate, better take a closer look at the recipe you’re using to make it. Paula Renaye
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Are you doing what you really want or what you think you should? - Paula Renaye
List 5 things that you did recently in order to please someone else.
For each thing on the list, describe why you did it and how you felt before, during and after.
List 5 things you did today simply because you wanted to.
For each thing on the list, describe why you did it and how you felt before, during and after.
What do you know now that you didn’t?
The Hardline Self Help Handbook takes this kind of information, expands it many different directions and shows you how caring for your own needs—respecting yourself—is ultimately more loving and caring for others.
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You can sit and stew, assume and wish, or you can get busy doing something that can have a positive impact on your life. - Paula Renaye
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Limiting yourself so someone will love or accept you isn’t only about self-respect and fear, it’s also a sign of laziness. - Paula Renaye
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If you don’t like what your choices have gotten you up to now, suck it up and admit it, then make different ones. - Paula Renaye
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Don’t ever give away your power to another person. It’s your life. Own it! - Paula Renaye
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The beliefs, limitations and fears of others have nothing to do with you. If you’re intent on being miserable, find your own. - Paula Renaye
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The sooner you accept the fact that your happiness is your responsibility, the sooner you’ll make choices that bring happiness. Paula Renaye
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If you stay in the sewer pit so you can sympathize, you can’t show others where the stairs are out of it. - Paula Renaye
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Happy Pills, Shock Therapy and the Other Way
Warning: Reading this may cause anger, anxiety, aneurisms and anal leakage.
When we get depressed, the new American way is to run to the doctor for a pill to fix it or otherwise medicate it away. It can work in the short term by lessening the pain so we can continue to drone away in semi-complacency and avoid having to deal with the real issue.
And, if that pill doesn’t work—if your wonderful pain is still telling you that drugging yourself is not the answer—there are, according to TV ads, booster pills to crank up the octane and quiet that voice as well. Of course, there’s a possibility you’ll want to kill yourself or will simply fall down dead, but give it a whirl, at least you won’t have to actually do anything to change what’s really wrong in your life.
Yes, I know I have just pushed a lot of buttons and it’s necessary—it is a message we all need to hear. If we are using anything—drugs (prescription, street or otherwise), alcohol, sex, shopping, you name it—to avoid dealing with what we know we need to, it’s time to admit it, face it and make different choices. Dulling the pain so we can keep doing what’s causing it is insane.
When I was very young, maybe three or four, I was playing with my dolls under the light of the lamp by the front door. (Note the exceptional detail to memory for someone who remembers next to nothing about her childhood, but you’ll see why.) For reasons known only to Little Me, I decided the bobby pin I’d stuck in the doll’s hair would be equally amusing inserted into the electrical outlet on the wall. (Now you know why I remember.)
The shock was fast and fierce. It made a believer out of me and I never ever wanted to feel like that again. I don’t remember much after that except that I found a new place to play that didn’t bite. I learned about electricity—and life—in a way children today can’t, all protected from themselves and their stupidity by covers, caps, traps and all manner of devices.
Yes, I suppose I could have been killed, and if I’d done it a second time I deserved to be. Seriously. Because we all know that if it hadn’t hurt me bad enough that first time I would have tried it again. The only worse option for that scenario would have been for me to take a pill so I could do it again and hang on longer.
Now, I know there are a lot of people struggling and juggling with situations that seem to have no good solutions and the best they feel they can do is take a pill to keep them going to get through it. Maybe that’s okay in the short term—maybe—to keep from cracking like an egg. But at what point is it just another avoidance tactic to keep from having to actually face the unpleasantness and make the tough choices?
The sad fact is, as long as we can tolerate it and get by, we won’t actually do anything that could make things better for us in the long run. Just like duct tape, it’s only temporary unless it works.
However, we have to realize that the pain is there for a reason—we feel bad because things aren’t right. If we take a pill to avoid feeling bad, the only thing we’re really changing is us. We’re simply muddling our brains so we can tolerate what we know we need to change.
When you get that first hit of pain, don’t go back for seconds. It is a whole lot easier to deal with it the first time and move on than to ignore it and hope it will go away. If you realize you’re in the cycle, stop. It’s never too late. If you need help get it, but please, don’t just take the easy way out. Hold yourself accountable and do what you know you need to do.
It’s time to start living your joy!
Paula
Renaye
http://hardlineselfhelp.com
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People hold on to pain because it gives them an excuse for just about everything. - Paula Renaye
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The best way to live a sad, lonely life is to spend it trying to please someone else. - Paula Renaye
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It’s a special hell being stuck between yearning for wings to set you free and terrified of losing what’s keeping you trapped. -Paula Renaye
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You have to be willing to be your authentic self no matter what the cost. - Paula Renaye
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Sometimes, what we consciously say we want to do and what our subconscious programming says we will do are vastly different.-Paula Renaye
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We will generally only take action when the mental, emotional or physical pain becomes more than we can ignore. - Paula Renaye
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If you’re not happy with a situation it’s because what you really want and what you actually have don’t match. - Paula Renaye
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No matter how logical or persuasive you are, you can’t talk someone into letting go of their pain, they have to want to. - Paula Renaye
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If you want something different, you have to not only be willing to do something different, you have to actually be different. -Paula Renaye
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Feeling bad is a signal from your body that something is wrong. It could be mental, emotional, physical or all three. - Paula Renaye
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Until we’re honest about who we are & what we want, we can only list reasons we think we should be happy & pretend they’re true.Paula Renaye
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If it’s important to you and you value it, you will make time for it. - Paula Renaye
Complete the following sentences:
I dream about _________
I think about_____________
I wish____________
Now, what do you do to make each of those a reality?
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Stop dwelling on the bad things you don't want and start focusing on the good things you do want to have in your life. - Paula Renaye
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Just because someone says they don’t want to be in pain anymore doesn’t mean it’s really true. - Paula Renaye
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What are you willing to do to get what you really want? Are you doing it? - Paula Renaye
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When the pain of staying in a relationship becomes greater than the fear of what it’ll be like without it, you will take action.Paula Renaye
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Old wounds can be a vital part of someone’s identity, and fear of who they’ll be without them can be too much to face. - Paula Renaye
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Make a list of things that really bother you in others then mosey on over to the mirror and try each one on for size. - Paula Renaye
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Do not, even for a second, delude yourself that someone else is going to change enough to make you happy. - Paula Renaye
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When we pretend to be someone we’re not, we’re saying we don’t trust that others will love us as we are. - Paula Renaye
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You can sit and stew, assume and wish, or you can get busy doing something that can have a positive impact on your life. - Paula Renaye
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Your life is a reflection of your choices. Anything you want to reconsider? - Paula Renaye
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Be willing to let go of the very things you’re arguing so hard to keep--those things you think should make you happy. - Paula Renaye
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The only reason we live our lives based on the expectations of others is because we’re afraid of what will happen if we don’t. -Paula Renaye
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One way most of us become aware of behaviors we don't want for ourselves is by recognizing them in others. - Paula Renaye
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When someone gives you a compliment, don’t explain why they shouldn’t have. Just say thank you. - Paula Renaye
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If you’re trying to help someone out of their pain & it isn’t working, it could be because you’re the only one who wants it to.-Paula Renaye
When a friend comes to you with a problem…
Do you feel her pain and dig in to finding a solution as if it were your own?
Do you send her websites, books, audio programs and inspirational quotes to help her "get it"? And then when she says she's lost them do you send them again?
Do you get angry when she repeats the same old "tell me what to do" drama that you’ve given her a solution for five times already?
Do you check up on her to see if she’s "figured it out yet"?
Do you throw your hands up in despair then find yourself dwelling on her problems, trying to find an answer she’ll accept?
OR
Do you tell her you love her, have given her all the help you can and know when she’s ready she’ll do what she needs to?
Empathy and commiseration have their place, but many times what we think is supportive is really only prolonging the process. It’s only by being in enough pain that she’ll become willing to do what she needs to.
The Hardline Self Help Handbook is a really great catalyst. It has a way of pushing people toward—rather than trying to prevent—their break point. And it starts in the introduction, which you can listen to for free. Go to here to get the free report and audio recording. You can share that with your friend if you like, but mostly, it will help you become strong enough to do what you really need to do to help—nothing.
Just hearing the first few minutes of the introduction can be enough to put a pretty good crack in denial. Whether she’ll admit it or not, she’ll recognize herself in scenario. And once you know, you can’t un-know.
That doesn’t mean there will be a magical transformation because of it, however. Sometimes things get worse as we cling even tighter to our delusions and protest even louder about how happy we are with our misery. But, eventually, when there’s no one supporting us in stay stuck in the muck, we will, little by little, begin to admit that all is not well in Happy Valley. And then, true healing and progress can occur. But you have to start somewhere.
Obviously, I think that somewhere is The Hardline Self Help Handbook. And, the fact is, it will work if you do the work. Dr. Amy Wood, a practicing psychologist and self-help author herself said, "Reading this book is like getting therapy from a top notch therapist who has the guts to tell it like it is and the compassion to help you face your issues squarely and do something about them."
You can read the rest of that review and others on my website. I’ve been amazed and honored by the psychologists and therapists who tell me they recommend it to their clients to help fast track therapy with them. And that, my friends, is my dream come true—using what I learned so others don’t have to stay in pain as long as I did.
And when you read the book, you’ll know what I mean by that—I don’t hold anything back. Sometimes the stories are funny, sometimes they’re sad and sometimes they’re just downright pathetic. You get the good, the bad and the ugly of what I have done, have been and am. I brutally bare my own soul, detailing my stupid mistakes and taking full responsibility for my seriously poor choices that were hurtful to me and others. Then, at the end of each chapter, I give you the tools to dig for your own insights by prying open doors that may have been nailed shut and concreted over for a lifetime.
Once those doors are open then you can be the helpful friend you truly want to be by supporting her through the tough part of facing what she’s worked so hard to avoid. You can remind her that we’ve all made mistakes and you can rejoice in her insights and stop her from beating herself up over not figuring it out sooner and a thousand other things she’ll wish she’d done differently.
So, be a good friend and give her what she really needs—tough love.
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There’s a time for sympathy and commiseration, but at some point you’re just wallowing in someone else’s drama with them. - Paula Renaye
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"I will never again pretend to be someone I am not while lying to myself that I’m happy about it." - Paula Renaye
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If you commit 3 hrs a day to watching TV, you can commit 3 hrs a day to doing things that will get you what you say you want.- Paula Renaye
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If we keep dwelling on the bad that's happened, we not only stay stuck in the past, we stay stuck in the bad feeling. - Paula Renaye
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The only person who can truly love us the way we want to be loved may be the last one we’re willing to demand it of--ourselves.-Paula Renaye
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Staying stuck and confused keeps you from having to take responsibility for your life and actually do something. -Paula Renaye
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Your life reflects what you think about most. - Paula Renaye
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People who are happy with their own lives tend to be habitual about offering support and encouragement to others. - Paula Renaye
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When someone starts detailing things that prove they’re happy, I have to ask, who are you trying to convince, me or you? - Paula Renaye
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Who Are You Trying to Convince, Me or You?
In my work, I come across a lot of people who are emotionally where I used to be—miserable, living a lie and swearing it isn’t so. In the past few days, three women have stood out as beautiful snapshots of the pain and fear that I stayed trapped in for so long.
They think they’re putting on a good front, will tell you how happy they are and rattle off a well-honed list of reasons why. Of course, people who are truly happy generally don’t feel compelled to provide supporting evidence of it, they just are. So when someone starts detailing the situations that prove they’re happy, I can’t help but ask, "Who are you trying to convince, me or you?"
The answer, of course, is both. When the lies we’ve told ourselves start slipping, we need outside reinforcement to keep them in place. Getting others to agree with our version of reality gives us permission to avoid facing the real truth—and the possibility of it changing our lives—for a little while longer.
However, you can’t live indefinitely in that place of pretending you have what you want and fearing what will happen if you admit you don’t. At some point there will be a reckoning.
It’s a special hell being stuck in that limbo between yearning for wings to set you free and being terrified of losing what’s keeping you trapped.
That deep desire to let the real you come out and dance naked in front of the whole world, not caring what anyone thinks is at war with the indescribable fear of what will happen if you do.
If you acknowledge your true nature and desires and set them free, will life as you know it shatter right before your very eyes and leave you utterly alone and unloved?
Who can take that chance? Who can stand here and say, yes, I’m willing to risk losing everything that has defined me? Who can say I’m willing to finally let me be me and live authentically and congruently no matter what the cost? Who can do that? Who will do that?
We must all do that.
Until we are willing to be honest with ourselves and honor who we truly are and what we want, we can never really be happy. We can only list the reasons we think we should be and then pretend they’re true.
Just as the caterpillar must be willing to allow everything that made it a caterpillar to be dissolved away into goo so that it can be transformed into a glorious butterfly; we too must allow ourselves to be deconstructed so we can be rebuilt authentically without the illusions, delusions and limitations of our past.
There is no other way.
And all you have to do is be willing to let go of the very things you are arguing so hard to keep—those things you think should make you happy. All you have to do is be willing to allow your own transformation. All you have to do is get out of your own way.
It’s time. May these quotes inspire you to step into your chrysalis. It’s the only way to find your wings…and live your joy!
Paula
Renaye
HardlineSelfHelp.com
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About the Author
Former eggshell-walker, emotionally-bankrupt wreck and utter failure at keeping her world from falling apart, Paula Renaye uses her journey out of despair into joy as a breadcrumb trail for others. Paula is a life redirection coach, professional speaker and author of The Hardline Self Help Handbook—What Are You Willing to Do to Get What You Really Want?
A consultant for 18 years, Paula has a degree in Financial Planning with additional journalism, education, psychology and healing arts studies and certifications, including regression hypnosis and energetic healing. She is a Certified Professional Coach and member of the International Association of Coaches, specializing in life, relationships and personal transformation.
Paula is a frequent "self tough love" expert on Talk Radio shows and her television appearances include CSPAN’s BookTV. She writes regular columns for relationship sites, international online magazines, personal development ezines and blogs. In 2012, she turns her tough love laser on relationships in Living and Loving on Purpose.
Awards
The Hardline Self Help Handbook
2011 Global eBook Award Winner for Best Self Help
2011 National Indie Excellence Finalist Award for Self Help
2011 Readers Favorite Finalist Award for Motivational Books
Writing as Paula Boyd, she also won the 2001 WILLA Literary Award for Best Original Paperback for Dead Man Falls.
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I may not be on every single social media platform out there, but I am on enough of them that it would take pages to detail so here’s the short list on how to find me:
Twitter: @PaulaRenaye
Facebook: Paula Renaye
Websites:
http://livingandlovingonpurpose.com
I also write a Relationship Q&A column with Steve Nash on his SelfHelpCollective.com, which can get wild at times!
My guest blog articles appear every Wednesday on Pandora Poikilos’ PeaceFromPieces.com, and I have expert articles on a variety of other sites. Stop by somewhere and say hello!
There’s a free report and audio recording on the HardlineSelfHelp.com website so be sure and snag those too!
Live your joy!
Paula Renaye