Critique Circle
E L Russell
Published by author at Smashwords
Copyright 2011
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Critique Circle
This Thursday night, ghosts would appear at Peter Paul’s house. As president of the Sugarpear Writers Guild, he hosted a Critique Circle for eight writers and authors who, by invitation only, would read a draft of a ghost story they wrote for inclusion in the Guilds’ annual publication.
The elderly couple of Ida and Ed Groffnik, always the first to arrive, were deposited by the Retirement Home’s van. Their early arrival allowed them to sit in the comfortable couch and present their work first. Ida liked to read before her throat dried up and Ed preferred the couch where he could sleep.
Peter told Ida to pass around copies of the first 200 lines of their ghost story and to read it aloud. As she read, pausing for sips of water, everyone scratched notes in their copy of Ida and Ed’s ghost story.
When she finished reading she ignored everyone and began to annotate her copy. The comments came slowly.
Peter said, “It doesn’t scare me.”
Another said, “I liked it but I don’t smell anything?”
Ida said, “Oh, do we need more sensory … ?”
“Right.”
“Okay.” Ida made notes.
No one commented.
Ida asked, “Was it scary?”
Several nodded.
“Why not have some dogs barking? They’re scary.”
“Yea, they could howl.”
“Yes, just like J.H. Dowling’s scene on page 124 of Darkness becomes Her Lover. The dogs in that story were very scary.”
“Oh, I remember that. It was scary. But weren’t they wolves?”
“Wolves are scary.”
Ida said, “Thanks.”
No one spoke for a few minutes. Several flipped pages. Some wrote notes. Ed slept.
Peter suggested they move on.
Someone offered, “I didn’t think ghosts could do the things you wrote.”
“Like what?” Ida asked, pencil ready.
“Line 121, you have the ghost dancing with someone.”
“Yes?”
“You can’t touch a ghost.”
Several nodded.
“Your poke ‘em and your finger goes through.”
Ida looked worried. “In my story you can.”
“Readers won’t like it … won’t buy it.” Said Peter.
Others murmured agreement.
“The concept or the story?” Ida asked.
“Neither.” Said Peter.
“And on line 158 you have ghosts falling in love … on line 183 they have sex?”
“Well, yes.” Replied Ida.
“Really?”
Ida, exasperated, threw her arms up, “Well, if the ghosts can’t touch people and they can’t touch each other, there is no reason for my story.”
Someone offered, “It’s still a nice story. You could change some things.”
“How about cats?”
Ida fumed through the rest of the evening. Ed slept.
After everyone had left, while waiting for the van, she said to Peter. “I’m sorry. This isn’t working out.”
Peter offered, “You need to read ghost stories. Readers have rules. Besides, I wasn’t scared.”
Ida glared. “Your readers are wrong.”
She shook Ed and yelled at Peter. “We won’t be coming back.” She raised both arms and said “Boo!”
Ida held Ed’s hand. They became almost transparent and walked away through the wall leaving Peter alone and frightened.
***
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope you enjoyed this story. Visit http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/enosrussell to review my other stories and my blog at http://www.enosrussellblog.com for discussion of these stories and others in the works.
E L Russell