Dedicated to Roehampton University ,
Quadistan, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,
And God.
THE BLACKNESS
THE CASE OF THE ‘SECRET SANTA’
By K.O.Reuben
Copyright © by K.O.Reuben
Smashwords Edition
England, 2011
London outskirts,
Roehampton,
Roehampton University Campus,
Southlands campus,
Quad café exterior,
In front of the vending machine-
Introducing a tall Asian chap and an equally tall European lady. The Asian chap in question is Ali Hassan, Human rights student, third year, dressed in green coat, grey jeans, white converses and a frown with the shape worthy of a boomerang. He enjoys swearing at the vending machine. It’s stolen his money again. The European lady is Esther, pretty and yet not powdered up with facial make up, although her eyebrows are rather immaculately curled-‘less is more’ is most likely a motto with her. It is working. Clearly. She’s wearing a brown cardigan with burgundy stitching and long swaying dress a shade of darker brown and black boots to finish off. She clearly wants to look stylish but keep warm-she understands British weather well.
Ali and Esther are founding members of the Human rights group in Roehampton University, or ‘The university of Roehampton’ to give it its unnecessarily expensive new title, which does nothing for its status except hint smarmily at grammatical prowess.
The university rudely discontinued the Human rights course and quite rightly so there were protests. If there were any students to ‘exercise’ their human rights it would be these students. All other students are morbidly obese in that sense of the metaphor.
Ali and Esther however, refused to give up. Their course was done away with but their society was still alive, so if any society had to put themselves out there more than the others it would be them. And put themselves out there they did. A new set of Freshers, or as the American’s call it ‘Freshmen’ (which I’ve personally never understood myself because some of them pong like the armpits of hell itself) , found their way on to campus and on settling into their new life joined the human rights society. But that’ not what got Esther so upset. The human rights society in a bid to cap a particularly good year for the group set up a Christmas tree event. Any clothes you no longer wanted you could give to the human rights society and they would pass the clothes on to a charity. What each generous giver got in return for their charity was a box from the tree filled with goods self-made by the human rights society. Personalised t-shirts with catchy mottos and quotes from famous people, half whom are dead. Key rings (always a plus to have on your keys if you’re gay), toothpaste (which to be honest can be taken as an offense or as a token to stop gum disease. I’d say insult). Leaflets about events in and around Roehampton (which they already know about but this is printed on fancy paper), and sweets (probably the only thing edible in the box of goodies unless you’re the type of person to eat toothpaste or paper, you could be a goat.)
Cutting a long narration short, these individuals would receive gifts and it was quite popular. So popular in fact that the human rights society needed to make more presents which would be fine if they were elves but they were not. Although, Esther and Ali did dress like them whilst setting up a make shift kiosk with their very own coffee canister. It was a beast of a silver contraption that held at least two litres of coffee. With all that caffeine it was no wonder they were likened to elves, which surprises me because they were at least six foot. But who’s to judge right? After all we are all equal-even 6 foot elves had human rights.
The problem began when these ‘goodie’ bags (well boxes. They were presents with bows on) began to either go missing or have their content replaced by insultive profanity of the cheek blushing kind.
Esther was determined to find out who did this, why and how? The problem was their kiosk was not fool proof. It was locked up in the café and during that time anyone could have broken in and had their way. The security services on Campus continually feigned interest and promised to ‘get to the bottom of it’ but the only thing they seemed to get to the bottom of was a bucket of chicken from local chicken shop called ‘Favourites’. It was funny-Esther knew a particular individual who could finish a bucket of chicken all on his own. He had a friend who had started a ‘detective agency’ for want of a professional status. These young men were the very last people Esther dared go to, she knew them too well. They’d cock it up, somehow. But she was desperate and she had enough money to bribe them into helping.
Esther and Ali walked through wooden cream double doors and another set before pouring out onto a thin corridor. On their left was a large café with mediocre food overly priced to fleece students and held the fake unattractive name of piri piri chicken. The food was good enough but for prices that high you’d want double portions but none such dreams were ever made a reality.
Leading out of this café, which looked like and open kiosk costa having a brief conversation with a dinner hall at school, were a set of sofas spread out. A few chairs were in the mix to. Many were scraped across the ground by students who had no seat training, not that you needed training to sit on a seat but listening to them screech all day made you consider the possibility of starting a revolution to teach it as a subject. Maybe become a lecturer in the field. Their hygiene was equally abominable, with chocolate wrappers and drink cartons and cups all over the place as if it was the after math of some ‘art attack’ masterpiece.
These students needed anti-bacterial rub. There were many things on the tables ranging from different colours to different textures and I’m telling you now-not all of them looked like food. But that was a worry for the cleaners-elves in their own right. The Quad café was the citadel for fun times but when night fell, students went home, or to the universities ridiculous excuse for a party-‘the bop’, whilst the cleaners came out to play and swept away the mess.
Kingsley and Joshua were admiring the cleaning from the night before. They sat on a jet black sofa. It was surrounded by two more making a shabby ‘u’ shape. Kingsley was fur faced and interesting. He was black (he still is) and his full beard and interesting eyebrows were something to look at. I didn’t say handsome-no at all. On the contrary, many a female might have found his aura of hot chocolate and cigarette smoke mingled with cologne too much to bear. His saving grace was the lovely lady in his life-Nicole.
Kingsley had just graduated. His actual graduation ceremony was in march of 2012 which he found rather unfair since the world was supposedly going to end. The of course there were all those films he wanted to watch too. If the world did end he’d have a bone to pick with God. Kingsley was a slim shaped fellow. He resembled a geography teacher with his tweed blazer, well done tie and shirt and trousers and boots. Jet black boots, clearly a size larger than they needed to be but for a fan of the film ‘puss in boots’ it little wonder why. He was on campus as a private tutor for a few students but in a radical change of mind decided he’d start a detective agency and who better to have as a working partner than Josh. The one man who was probably on campus more than he was and he didn’t even go to Roehampton.
Maybe it was the girls. When you here that a university has a ratio of eighty to twenty girls, you do have to ask the simple question-why not? Maybe it was the consistent take out Ali and Esther and their gay friend Ben always ordered. Where there was free food to be had he’d be there. It wasn’t always free but that didn’t matter. Maybe it was the gospel choir-he’d always wanted to get deeper into his instrument playing and being drummer for the choir was good for both parties-they got a drummer, he got practice. To be honest no one knows but if anyone asked him, the first thing he’d usually say is ‘I’m here because of him’ and point at Kingsley in an obscure manner.
Josh had such a perfect afro Kingsley described it as a ‘black halo’. It was indeed and you could be sure where ever he went so did his afro comb-it was a fact of life-not an option. He wore a leather jacket that had clearly seen better days but had obviously amassed some sort of fan base the day he said he was attacked by a lion which of course is a myth. He wore a green t-shirt and the baggiest of trousers but not the kind you rip over because you were hula-hooping with your waist line. He wore green and black trainers. Kingsley had always said he should have been born in America to which Josh would reply he should have been ‘white’.
Needless to say there was always bantering going on between the two friends who were more brothers from another mother than simply friends. Their friends often suggested the existence of a relationship beyond the plutonic dimension that existed. Such theorising was always met with abject comic offense. They would have to prepare themselves-more theorising was on the way.
“I’ve always said you guys would make such a couple,” Esther said smoothly . Joshua peered up at her, frowned, slapped his thighs and got up, bounced on the balls of his feet and sighed so heavily it could have actually blown her away. Ali chuckled loudly at Josh’s over animated reaction. He threw a packet of m&m’s to Kingsley who caught them with one hand whilst reading text with the other.
“Talking to the wife I see,” Ali said in his best cockney accent.
“I am indeed guvnor!” Kingsley replied, pocketing his blackberry.
Esther sat down and looked at Ali, he nodded.
“Hey kings, we’d like to talk to you about something important,” Ali said. Kingsley looked up over his phone. He was texting again.
“Who died?” Kingsley said flatly. Ali laughed.
“Our presents.” Ali said.
“Sad. I’d sue Santa Claus to be honest. You’d think he’d know what address he’s going to. Probably got senile dementia,” Kingsley said. Josh started laughing.
“No I’m serious,” Esther said. Josh and Kingsley looked at each other as if to say ‘she’s lying’.
“Look, I know we’ve just set up the agency and stuff but seriously, we don’t need a case,” Kingsley said simply. Josh looked at him wildly then turned to Esther and Ali.
“Yes we do! It’s been ages since any one even ‘considered’ having us, let alone have us,” Josh said with alarm ringing through his voice. Kingsley put his blackberry down. He’d been texting.
“I don’t believe in mixing business with friends. Things always get a little confusing and complicated because of the whole ‘you’re my friend factor’. I’d rather not,” Kingsley said finally. Ali had a smile on his face and Esther nodded. Josh grunted something about Kingsley changing his principles like his under wear.
“No, I don’t change my principles like my underwear, Josh,” Kingsley said, texting again. Josh frowned in near disbelief. He would have asked how he heard him say that but Kingsley sense worked differently to other peoples’.
Ali rustled about inside his inner pocket in his jacket attempting to pull something out. Esther was trying to help him but seem to be flailing just as much as he was. Kingsley ignored them josh took this time to speak to him.
“Dude, what’s the point of having an agency if you’re gonna turn down, or ignore the ones we actually get?” Josh said. His eyebrows we’re hoisting upwards as if to say ‘well you know I’m right’.
“We will get our case; it just has to be the right one. Someone desperate enough will employ our help. Someone in need of help, not all those idiots from the jokes society who just wanted to have a laugh,” Kingsley said sounding annoyed. Josh agreed with a nod. Their last prospective employers were three members from the joke society at Roehampton. They were told they were looking for a valuable book with a bucket full of jokes in it. Several pranks later they were covered in gunge, feathers and pages from the book they were told to find. Kingsley vowed to not have a repeat of that experience.
“Fair enough,” Josh said gruffly. It had taken him ages to get his afro back to ‘black halo’ status after the gunge incident. “But let’s at least offer our services, they are our friends after all,” Josh said. Kingsley shrugged, finished a text, put the blackberry in his pocket and said,
“Okay.”
Ali was holding a rectangular book in his hand.
“Aww, you love birds made up now?” said Ben a round curly haired be-speckled student with a hoodie on. He had literally come out of nowhere. No one had seen him come in. he slammed himself on to the sofa making Ali and Esther budge up. Josh and Kingsley threw their hands in the air and protested straight away.
“No-we are not like you Ben,” josh said with a hand out in front of him as if he was keeping Ben at bay. Ali and Esther were laughing at him. “We’re not gay,” he said waging his finger in-between him and Kingsley.
“You’re making it gay by saying that man!” Kingsley comically complained. Josh was always on the defence with these things.
“We’re going to pay you,” Ali said to Kingsley and Josh. Josh looked at Kingsley as if to say ‘this is it’. Kingsley smiled.
“How much?” Josh asked before anyone could say anything. Ali signed a page in the book and handed it to him. Josh’s eyes almost fell out.
“That-all that,” josh said with glee.
“Yeah,” Ali replied.
“If you can solve it that is,” Esther said.
“Solve what?” Josh said in a state of absent mindedness, blown away by the figure. He was already spending it in his mind.
“The case!” Ali and Esther said together.
“Yeah, you gay lord,” ben said and laughed at his own remark. Josh kissed his teeth.
“The case of ‘The Secret Santa’!” Kingsley mused. He was miles away too but for a different reason. Ben, Ali and Esther laughed at the title. Josh showed him how much they were getting paid.
“Wow, I could get me a nice blazer,” Kingsley said. Touching the inside of his grey tweed blazer affectionately. The aroma of hot chocolate forced its way across the barren waste land that was the rest of the café littered by students, to grace Kingsley’s nostrils.
“Josh-its mocha time,” Kingsley said with a hunger in his eyes. Josh voiced his agreement. Josh handed the cheque back. “We’ll solve this case in three days,” Kingsley said confidently.
“Three days? But that’s-no!” Esther said in disbelief. Ali said something along the lines of giving them the benefit of the doubt. Ben slammed money on the table betting twenty pounds they would do it in two days.
*
England, 2011
London outskirts,
Roehampton,
Roehampton University Campus,
Frobel campus,
Frobel Lawn-
“So, Ben has £20 pounds on us, Ali and Esther assumes we may take a little longer, well Esther really but yeah and you’ve named our first case ‘Secret Santa’” Josh said. Running through their info. They were walking through Frobel Gardens. They walked past the flowery archway like-tunnel, across the plain of grass, past the pond that looked like a baby lake and past the water fountain of three cherubs. A sharp left through a narrow corridor after the teaching building and there it was-The Union. The union was Frobel’s attraction and money maker. It was the bar, probably the more successful in comparison to its rivals in Southlands and Whiteland’s.
The duo turned around, and opposite the union bar was the RSU, the central government of the student body of students if that made any sense at all. They were the Roehampton Students Union. This is where they would begin investigation.
England,
Roehampton university,
Frobel campus,
RSU,
Entrance-
Josh and Kingsley walked through the see through glass double doors. The squeeking doors echoed through the building it felt. They were in a staircase. Straight ahead was a large blue banner that glew in the dim shade. It was the RSU logo which brain bogglingly was an R, an S and a U-genius or what?
Kingsley took three steps at a time and Josh had to keep up. Kingsley was something of a power walker and always left Josh behind during walks. Josh always found himself complaining about his belly which had pouted since his sudden drought in basket ball playing.
"I need to get fit man! I hate this gut!" Josh said huffing as he got to the top of the stairs and turning left through another set of double doors.
"Don't worry, these are your first 'steps' to being gutless," kingsley mused. Josh shook his head in comic dissapointment.
"Poor, poor joke," Josh said pitifully.
"I'm getting better though," Kingsley said hopefully.
"That's one way of putting it," Josh said smartly and pushed past him into a wide corridor laden with black carpet and large window illuminating the white passage. To their left was a door that led to a room full of RSU ‘merchandise’. There were hoodies and tops for sale and a countless amount of bean bags on the floor. The entrance was greeted by a desk that sat comfortably at the head of the room so the receptionist could conveniently associate herself/ himself with whosoever dared bother them in such a haven of an office, which smelt like sweets and newspaper. Kate Griffiths, the RSU receptionist, looked up at Josh whom had been staring at her for a good thirty seconds. The moment where their eyes met was a rather awkward one. Josh pretended to look at the ceiling, lucky for him there were helium balloons bobbing up and down so he didn’t look like an idiot. That didn’t stop Kingsley from thinking so. He shook his head. Josh playfully punched him in the arm and Kate didn’t know whether to look alarmed or confused so she simply smiled and said,
“Everything okay?” she looked from Josh to Kingsley expectantly.
“Ye-yes?” Josh said stammering and not sure where to put himself. He quite liked this blonde but he had no idea what he should say to woo her-ladies wasn’t his forte, although Kingsley begged to differ every time Josh voiced this unconfident opinion of himself. You don’t go out with the prettiest lady in college three years in a row and Kingsley claimed that’s exactly what Josh had done.
“Dude, you talk” Josh mumbled under his breath. Kingsley snorted as if to say ‘whatever’.
“No way,” Kingsley replied, folding his arms and grinning at Kate.
“Yes way!” Josh said turning his back on Kate. Kingsley followed suit. Kate rolled her eyes, huffed and returned to typing away. “We agreed you’d be doing the talking!” Josh complained.
“Wha? Since when?” Kingsley retorted.
“Since now!” Josh exclaimed.
“Don’t be such a wuss-bag! Talk to her man!” Kingsley growled, practically shaking his fists. Josh glared back defiantly. Both turned round to witness Kate looking at them with an expression of utter bewilderment. Even then she wore a smile. Probably her built in receptionist response, or she was just nervous.
“Okay guys, is there something you’d like to talk to me about becau-,” Kate said finally breaking the very odd silence mingled with mumbling argument. Kingsley stood up straight and fixed his sky blue tartan scarf tightly.
“My friend here, finds you so elegant and beautiful that he’s been struck temporarily inarticulate-,” Kingsley began.
“Inarti-what? What does that me-,” Josh was cut off.
“-So until such a time that my dear friend can find his tongue I’ll simply ask for a brochure detailing all the RSU societies available to students on campus-thank you,” Kingsley said. Josh’s facial expression went from highly annoyed to very impressed. Kate was a slightly red in the cheeks.
“Err, um-the brochures are over there,” Kate said. Her voice was a little shaky, she was clearly nervous.
“Thanks, Josh said before Kingsley could open his mouth and walked over to the brochure stand where a silver rack housed all the good little bits of info.
“What did you do that for?” Josh said. Kingsley looked at him as if he was stupid. Josh grinned at Kate who looked over at them next to the brochure stand and gave him a smile before returning to her work.
“Don’t ask for manure then complain when the cow defecates on your bare foot-you asked for it!” Kingsley said. He made crude illustrations of poo dropping on to a foot. Josh at it.
“I don’t ask for manure!” josh said loudly. Kate glanced over but this time with less care. Clearly these men were weird so shouldn’t be taken seriously.
“Yeah you do,’argh I need a girlfriend’-dude I’m setting you up and don’t try that noble attempt at a lie, I saw your face when you walked in here, your heart practically fellow out your mouth,” Kingsley said, failing to take a breather. Josh spoke again after looking at his partner for a prolonged period of a few seconds.
“Words are hard to describe you as a person but one of them would be ‘cocky idioit’,” Joshua said sounding as profound as a philosopher and as stroppy as a ten year old. Josh peeled away from Kingsley at the brochure rack to more pressing issues-Kate.
“That wasn’t even one word! Cocky idiot is two words, just thought you’d like to know,” Kingsley added before returning to the list of RSU societies on campus. Josh ignored Kingsley’s come back, that could be addressed later or even eclipsed now. He knew they had a case to solve but once again Josh had found himself weirdly inspired by Kingsley’s pep talk. He had gone out of with the prettiest ladies-why should this be any different. Yeah, it wasn’t even his university and yeah, he just stepped on his laces…
Josh, deep in thought, stepped on his own laces causing himself to stumble at speed. He headed straight for the receptionists desk-there was no avoiding it. Head first he went like a human spear and the ‘black halo’ of an afro would be the first victim of all this.
Josh was dreaming, he could smell the scent of green tea and feel the touch of soft hands upon his face. Then a gentle voice buzzing around his ears. He opened his eyes and his ears we’re plunged into a sea of sound again.
“Oh thank God you’re alright!” The blonde girl cried. Her voice was soft and womanly. Josh was used to hearing a more ‘ghetto’ tinted intonation that ‘hood rat’ girls (as josh called them) often spoke with. Never mind the guys with their trousers hanging off their arses; it was the ladies that were a bigger disappointment. Their tomboyish ways had driven him to close his eyes to their existence. But this lady-she was softly spoken.
Her brown eyes swallowed Joshua’s interest the moment they met with his and he found his heart pick up pace. I grinned and she grinned back.
“Thank God,” Josh mumbled gratefully. She smiled and tidied up the bandage around his forehead.
“There’s likeliness when you go to the hospital they’ll shave your hair off to get to your head because it was cut,” she said cautiously. Josh moaned as if someone died.
“It took me ages to grow that!,” he complained.
“I heard,” Kate said giving Kingsley a complimentary nod. He was reading Fresh newspaper- a rare site in itself. “So I feel your pain. I once cut mine, missed it once it was gone,”
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” Josh said beside himself. He wasn’t quite sure whether to be upset for the inevitable loss of his majestic afro, or the impending gain of a romantic encounter with Kate. So far it was swinging 40-60.
A man with brown hair, a thin face and a nose synonymous to a pelican walked in. his face was hairless but his side burns told a story of pride and prejudice. Clearly lamb chops were back-if not this guy’s hair growth was a little ‘different’. He had the air of a rich guy with a poor attitude. It was a prejudgement but Kingsley was pretty good at things like this. He was a qualified investigative journalist after all. He smelt personality for a living.
“Hi Kate, who’s the sixth Jackson brother?” Brian Bannock said pointing at Josh like an amused child. Josh didn’t find it funny. If looks could kill, Brian would have been dead. Kate wasn’t amused either.
“Oh this is Josh, he had an accident in the office,” Kate said.
“Don’t worry not that type of accident,” Kingsley added. Kate rolled her eyes and Josh tutted. Brian and Kingsley however, laughed.
“Ah, I see you read the Fresh!!” he said shaking Kingsley hand. Kingsley weighed the overconfident handshake and the navy blue three piece suit that Brian was wearing with a white shirt. Clearly a man making a statement.
“Yes, I do read it,” Kingsley said, choosing his words carefully. Josh smiled. Kate noticed and asked him quietly what the smile was all about to be in on the joke. He simply replied’
“It’s a long story,”
Brian for some reason, either out of pride or out of suspicion wanted Kingsley to tell him more so asked him,
“What is your favourite thing about Fresh,” He said, still standing and putting his hand to his chin in thought.
“Well, where to begin really?”
The last time Kingsley read Fresh was when…
Self-proclaimed bisexual, Ben and Ali and Esther, along with Fara a short Russian-Afghanistani journalism student, were all having pizza. Josh and Kingsley were also present at this eat up that fit on two orange tables in the quad café between three black sofas forming a ‘u’ shape. It was very homely. What was about to happen more so. Fara knocked a drink over as she got up. The drink was a little bit of Fanta inside a small white plastic cup but its effects were dire and it spread like a bush fire in Australia. Everyone one fiddled around in their pockets looking for tissue and then-there it was-Fresh. Kingsley hadn’t even hesitated.
“It’s ability to address current issues and affairs with accuracy and a resolve like no other. It’s quite uplifting,” Kingsley said. Josh shook his head in disbelief. Kate badgered him again about the joke. This time she stroked his head which got through to him and caught his attention. Josh began spilling the beans.
“I just want to say, that’s probably the best comment I’ve ever received,” Brian said more or less blushing.
“No, the comment goes towards Fresh not you but easy mistake to make,” Kingsley said mercilessly.
“Wow, someone got mugged off,” Josh mumbled. Kate giggled. Brian looked a little venomous now a danger in his eyes like a snake about to strike.
“So tell Mr?” Brian said expecting a name.
“Kingsley,” Kingsley said.
“What brings you to the RSU?”
“A brochure of all the societies available, really want to get in there this year,” Kingsley said, totally selling it. Even josh was impressed. Kate kissed Josh on the cheek and returned to her desk to answer a phone call. Josh’s face lit up. Kingsley smiled.
“Fortune favours the brave,” Kingsley mumbled. Josh knew that comment was for him. “So we thought we’d be brave and endeavour,” Kingsley said. Brian nodded and answered a phone call.
“GR, yes, yes. I’m at the office. Right,” Brian said leaving the office as he spoke. Kingsley’s ears picked up two letters. GR. He’d heard that before.
“Bruv! I am in!” Josh said excitedly “I am soo gassed!”
“Told you it would pay off!” Kingsley said confidently. In his heart of hearts he was just as surprised as Josh was, he never knew for a moment it would work.
“Okay, what are we going to do next,” Josh mumbled, getting up from his comfy blue bean bag and crossing over the room to sit next to him. He would have tripped had it not been for Kate who leapt from her seat and supported him to his seat-much to his delight. She doted over him for a little before finally leaving him alone and sitting back at her desk. Even then she looked up briefly to give him a grin and continued her work.
“Bruv game over! I’m in love,” Josh said.
“We’re joining the ballet group,”
“What?!”
“I knew that would get your attention!” Kingsley said.
*
Josh and Kingsley were in pink tutus prancing around the Frobel lawn with another ten guys and girls in all pink. Josh and Kingsley looked in pain though. Probably from all the wedgies the outfit was causing.
“Why are we dancing around in these again?” Kingsley asked, grimacing as he did. He picked a wedgie out in the most undesirable fashion.
“We are meant to be undercover remember? Part of your plan to find the secret Santa!”
“Thanks for reminding me! We only need to really check the groups that actually converge at the quad café at all times during the week and draw up our suspects from there,”
“Cool, let’s get out of these stupid things” Josh said. They were happy to leave Frobel gardens but more work with groups beckoned. The Hogwarts society (yes, they made a Hogwarts Society) is quite the innovative group. They do all sorts of adventurous games, that stretch the legend of the Harry potter lie too far but perhaps the defining moment of being in the group was when they were on a treasure hunt and were attacked by a big dog. One of the two boys with Josh and Kingsley at the time attempted to actually ‘repel’ the dog with his wand. The boy was taken to A and E.
Students didn’t get any smarter. Another group was the pirates of the Caribbean group and since they group met every so often they were obliged to do an activity with the group since the treasure hunt branched to the quad at one stage in the game. To try and distract an opposition team, a lady on Josh’s team shouted
“Look! Its Somalian pirates! Row man! Row!” It didn’t end well for the girl. She had all her chocolate coins in treasure taken from her due to charges of a racist nature and she was duly booted off the group for a week, what they call being made to ‘walk the plank’. Only Kingsley and Josh seem to find the funny side in the wording of it all. They were unceremoniously made to walk the plank a day later for ‘abandoning ship’ by taking a joint phone call from Esther on the progression of the case.
Josh and Kingsley felt no need to join the allotment society despite having marshmallows over a fire in the forest. Kate had come along to accompany him but when Kingsley received a phone call and walked away from the camp fire to the front of the allotment to talk ‘privately’, they were conveniently left alone. Kate told Josh she didn’t mind that his hair had to go, and contrary to popular vote she quite liked his hair the way it was. Josh never moaned about his hair again.
The networking society was one that definitely was on their red list, this group had a party in the quad café bar section with a DJ before trudging off to a selected house (depending on what member volunteered) and an after party would start.
*
England, 2011
London outskirts,
Roehampton,
Roehampton University Campus,
Southlands campus,
Quad café interior,
Party section Bar…
The party was going well. Loads of faces were here, the Christmas tree was in the mix. Lights were off; only the disco lights could be seen bobbing around changing colour. Students jumped up and down like a work out video and alcohol was being spilt, or drank everywhere. Josh never drank. In many ways he was a nazarite in effect because he was always trying to grow his hair long. There was a Samsonesque quality about his temper tantrums to which were something to behold. The truth is without alcohol, Josh could pass and often did pass as a drunkard simply by being tired and drinking far too much red bull causing the ‘zombie effect’. A scenario where one’s body is tired and wishes to sleep but the caffeine wishes to keep the person up and alert. The caffeine’s force equal to the force of tiredness causes a state of unstable equilibrium that is thus dubbed the zombie effect. A tired person who clearly needs sleep having the energy of a five year old who has just drank a whole bottle of coke. Tonight Josh had the zombie effect. Josh had acquired a pen from a gadget shop that had a camera in it as provided by his tech savvy friend Isaac. It was a valuable buy but the use of it would become invaluable.
“Bruv, I don’t do parties, Josh said with 5 cans of red bull in his hands. The bass was blaring from a speaker nearby. Vibration passed through the cans.
“Mate lay off the red bull,” Kingsley said. He actually wished Kate was here to look after him.
“No, it’s the only thing I can drink! You’re drinking vodka,” Josh said, almost jealously.
“I hate vodka-this is water you plonker!” Kingsley said loudly. Libby Stein, a medium sized blonde girl with green eyes and a cheeky smile, poured half her glass into his. Her wedding-like meshed dress was stained with Amarato. She avoided colliding into two people, and then bumped into a girl, spilling vodka down her open top and apologizing profusely afterwards.
“Gosh, you got that stained eh,” Kingsley said looking at the stain that was on her shoulder.
“Yeah, but I’ma goin hom an the part-e’s coming’ a mine,” she said in a slurred Scottish accent.
“Wow. I never knew people lived up to stereotypes,” Kingsley said. Walking off into the throng of party animals grabbing Josh along the way.
*
The party was over and Kingsley and Josh watched as the fresher’s (the party was for them mainly) milled out of the quad into the cold night. Only then did many realize they’d dressed scantily and needed a sweater of some sort. Josh pulled up the zip off his black hoody and fixed his glasses. Kingsley wrapped his sky blue tartan scarf round his neck and swung on his grey blazer. After another two minutes Josh finally got his leather jacket on. Josh looked at Kingsley expectantly.
“What are we waiting out here for?” Josh asked. Girls walked past.
“I want us to be the last to leave. We need to know for certain that no one is here after this party so that we can rule out whoever needs to be ruled out,” Kingsley said. The quad was being locked up, as they spoke, by Andy Williams, Southlands campus secretary.
“Good call,” Josh grunted. His teeth chattered together. He missed hugging Kate.
“It’s a waiting game now,” Kingsley said. He had the biggest temptation to sleep. It had been a long weird week.
“Did I ever tell you how I got the tears on the back of this leather jacket?” Josh said.
“Yes you did and I still don’t believe you wrestled a lion,” Kingsley replied.
“Meh, one day, you’ll buy it.”
England,
Rohampton University,
Digby Campus,
Bede House,
2nd floor,
Libby Steins' after party...
Libby stein’s house was quite big. Her room wasn’t but her dorm was. The passage was long and wide which meant the whole after party could pour out from her room into the corridor and her kitchen. Everyone on her floor was in the party and had their room doors open to it. The scene was even better with clearer light instead disco lights whirling through pitch black and different types of music instead of dubstep, of which Kingsley wasn’t a huge fan, Josh didn’t mind though. He was talking to five girls at once. Kingsley wondered how he did it to be honest. He half wondered whether he should drink more than 5 red bulls just to get some Dutch courage. Josh had his orders anyway. He knew what to do.
Josh looked at everyone and began looking for things that he might remember them by. Jewellery, shape of nose, face, anything. Anything remotely peculiar. It would all come in handy later on. Information always did. Everyone was in Christ mas wear now, as it was a Christmas themed after party. He started conversation with three sisters and their friends. Before long they were telling him things about Libby Stein, the organiser of this party that he didn’t know. Like how she had a cousin who worked in the RSU, or how her brother also came to this university.
Kingsley really wished Kate was here so she could watch Josh. He didn’t want him getting carted off by some hungry girls. Then he realized he was being too protective, they we’re practically brothers so it was no wonder the sentiment existed.
Someone gave him a quick hug-Kingsley turned round, it was Kate.
“Kate!,” Kingsley said surprised to see her.
“You got off work?” he said.
“Well yeah, I don’t work that late you know,” she replied. “Especially because of ‘black halo’,” she said with a smile. Kingsley laughed out loud. Kingsley smile fell of his face when he saw Brian Bannock. He was in a suit again. You’d think he’d have changed his suit.
“Good evening to you My Kingsley, I see your enjoying the party,” he said. His face somehow seemed gaunter than last time making his nose stick out more. It just was not a good look. Some people were pointing and laughing at him. A pair of bright pink knickers had ended up on his shoulder. He hadn’t even noticed.
“Not as much as the party is enjoying you I see,” Kingsley quipped. While Brian was disposing of the knickers with a straw stolen from a drunken girl’s cup, Kingsley made his exit a swift one. Brian had finally got rid of the pair of knickers and was looking for Kingsley, who stole a Christmas hat and put it on to disguise himself as he ducked. Josh didn’t notice what was going on. He was busy in the arms of Kate and her lips. Brian looked in Kingsley’s direction but saw only his Christmas hat, identical to a dozen others. Kingsley, ducking down as best he could, steering through the drunken crowd, found refuge in a vacant bedroom. He walked in on a naked couple doing things only allowed past water shed.
“Oh! Crap sticks!” Kingsley bellowed. He fell on his back side in shock and blocked his eyes with a palm as he got up and turned round for the door.
“Who says crap sticks?!” the man said incredulously.
“Someone who’s given up swearing,” Kingsley replied sounding like an addict. He walked into a wall and rubbed his forehead.
“Oh, okay, makes sense,” the lady replied.
“Play safe, use a condom, preferably be married,” Kingsley added.
“We are married actually” the woman added proudly.
“Yesterday afternoon to be exact,” the man added.
Kingsley had to look at the floor. It was littered with rose petals.
“Wow-what are the odds? Good on you guys! I’ll be off then,” He said walking into the door itself before finally being able to open it. He was back in the party which was dying down and Brian seemed to have disappeared. And then he appeared. He was on the phone and drinking a cola on the landing away from all the noise with only the staircase as company. Kingsley listened in as his conversation echoed.
“GR, don’t worry, we’re watching them both, you’ll be free to get them but you gotta hurry up, there are two of them and I’m only one,” Brian finished. Kingsley ran like a dwarf on red bull to get to Josh but felt a sharp pain in his ankle and fell on his face.
Josh and Kate were talking about the case.
“I can’t really talk about it too much, I don’t want to jeopardise it,” Josh said locked in an embrace with Kate. She looked at him with droopy eyes but he still refused. She got a little upset.
“I know it’s only been a week but you should trust me-I’m not going to blow your cover and besides I could help,” Kate said putting a stress on her words.
Josh sighed, rolled his eyes and looked at her. If Kingsley was here he’d probably pull his hair out. He didn’t even tell Nicole the cases he was working on, for protection reasons too.
“It could become dangerous for you if I tell you,” Josh said with a tint of melancholy in his voice. Kate shook her head and kissed him on the lips.
“Don’t care,” she retorted.
“You are stubborn,”
“So are you, that’s why you haven’t told me yet,” she retorted cheekily. Josh gave her the ‘really?’ look.
“You aren’t going to stop asking are you?,” Josh said finding the funny side. He sighed.
“Nope,”
“Okay, okay. We’re investigating some missing presents belonging to the human rights society,” Josh said finally. She looked funnily at him.
“What?” Josh said.
“Is that it?” she said laughing.
“Yeah!” Josh said in alarm. What was so funny?
“Okay my turn-Sherlock!” she began. “Brian Bannock is spying on you two to keep you here. So some guy can go and rob from the quad,”
Two suited men picked up Kingsley's limp body and dragged him through the double doors. On the other side, Brian was there waiting on the steps of the staircase. He spoke to someone on the phone about drinks.
“Really! I knew that guy was dodgy!” Josh said in a grumble. Kate is given a drink by Libby Stein.
“Totally new cocktail love! I call it the sleepy-tail,” she said inaudibly. Kate shook her head. If Libby made it then it had to be good. Libby knew her drink but Libby didn’t make it, she was too drunk to.
A minute ago…
“Give this to your friend. Say that it’s called a ‘sleepy tail’ and I totally cool,” said a suited man. She nodded and complemented his tail-she was drunk.
Kate drank some and offered Josh some but he refused. Kate kissed him instead and snogged him for the longest time ever.
“Take me home,” she said, sounding just a little bit tipsy.
“Okay,” Josh replied simply. Kate’s eyes shut and she buckled falling into his protective arms. Josh was nervous-was she breathing-was she not? Then he felt her heart beat as strong as ever.
A day ago…
Isaac a young black man in his teens (18 to be exact) holds a tablet canister.
“This antidote will work. The poison will work but this antidote will work too. You’ll be out for two minutes tops and recover in contrast to 12 hours out cold.” Isaac said
“See, I knew the science society of Roehampton was one I had to join,” Kingsley said waving the pen that Isaac had made in his hand. It could generate electrical charges. Very handy.
“Oh Josh,” Isaac said to Josh. “Make sure you get a measure of her heart beats strength,”
“How?” Josh said looking thrown.
“Simple. A nice, tight, hug. Preferably a long one.” Isaac said
“That’ll be easy,” Josh said, with a smile. They hugged all the time. Issac had a hunch they try poisoning the duo or close friends.
“Thanks Isaac,” Josh said to himself. He picked Kate up and laid her in a bedroom occupied by a couple smoking. It smelt like weed. At least she’d wake up ‘chilled’ when she did.
Brian Bannock’s nose was centimetres from Kingsley’s. He was inspecting the body himself. Kingsley in a swift movement jammed a pen right up Brian’s nose. A second later an electrical charge surged through his body leaving him as limp as a dead fish. Johnson, the body guard shot at Kingsley but hit his colleague with the tazer instead. Kingsley charged the bulky suited man off 11 steps using him as a cushion to land on the 12th. It was all over in less than 5 seconds and Kingsley couldn’t quite believe his luck. He ran down the stairs 4 and 5 at a time with a tazer he'd stolen from Johnson in his hand and the quad café in mind. If all was going to plan, Josh should be on his way too.
Brian Bannock got up and ran through the double doors to the dorm. He pushed past the party people. He was looking for someone. Kate was waking. She could only see blurs.
“Josh is that you?”
Brian smiled sinisterly. His two body guards, who Kingsley had bested, grabbed her.
Kingsley was running as far as he legs would carry him. His green coat was billowing in the wind, not the most stream line of coats so he threw it off. He wore just his grey blazer now and his light blue scarf. His boots were heavy, luckily it was not raining but that didn’t stop the bitter cold air from biting every inch of exposed skin. His knuckles were prickling with cold and his nose was on fire it felt so cold. Kingsley halted to catch his breath. He was like a steam train; his breath billowed behind him in the cold air as he came to a stop. His heart couldn’t take the rush. He had to hope he wasn’t too late. He started running again.
Brian’s men were taken out by cricket bats to the face and legs. Josh had obtained the bat from the cricket society. He had packed his bag with things that he felt would come in useful-he wasn’t wrong about bringing the bat. Brian would try an escape and feign ignorance if they ever brought what had happened tonight to light. He had helped in the breaking in of the quad café. He had to be caught. Kingsley had to tie up things at his end.
A man dressed as Santa Claus was at the entrance of the quad café. He used a key to open the door. It opened and he pulled back the door and walked in majestically, leaving wet foot prints behind him. The man had a lighter in hand. A flame spouted from it mouth.
Brian dragged Kate downstairs into a two seat mobility wagon used by the gardeners. How he’d managed to access it was beyond Josh but this was Brian. He seemed like a man who got his way. The wagon left him behind with Kate screaming. Josh, who could never really catch up to Kingsley whilst power walking, had his work cut out for him here. This was a scooter and Brian was stepping on it.
It wasn’t a Bop night so the main gate that bridged Frobel campus to Digby campus would be open. The cart zoomed through the open gate which had been pulled to one side, to reveal a brown bumpy roadway path lit up by lamp posts but with thick forest on each side. Up ahead were the huge Frobel lawn and the lake.
Josh was running so fast he wasn’t sure he could feel his feet- all he knew was that he had to get to Kate. He was a metre away and Kate was egging him on, stretching her hand out as her hair swished in the billowing air. Despair was etched upon her face.
The car spun and stopped. It faced him and Josh was helpless-Brian had Kate at gun point.
“What do you need the Quad for because it cant be for a bunch of stupid gifts and presents-it can’t be!” Josh said out of breath, his lungs and muscles burning.
Brian got closer to the edge of the lake and gripped Kate in a tighter head lock. She was going red in the face as she clawed at his arms to no avail. Tears streaked down her face. Josh dared to move forward a fraction in the muddy grass.
“YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE!” Brian bellowed. Josh put his hands up and dropped his bag of helpful tools on the spoungy grass.
“Okay! Oaky! I’m not doing anything!” Josh said. Kate whimpered. “It’s going to be alright honey,” Josh said looking her in the eyes. She calmed down a little.
“Don’t lie to the poor girl! You haven’t got a clue what’s going on! Those gifts that the human rights group have organised are worth fifty thousand pounds.” Brian said. Josh looked stunned but was not surprised. In the end it was always about the love of money.
“Well that’s a lie- how does that work? We know the organisers and it’s just paper and sweets,” Josh said.
“Paper and sweets that some in the Uni do not want distributed and would pay handsomely to see its dissemination disrupted,”
“Why? It’s just paper. And even if you did stop it, they could always go online,” Josh said.
“Yes but the person I’m working for isn’t doing this for the fortune-“
Kingsley got to the quad out of breath but there in time-there was someone in there…
“-or for fame-,”
Kingsley stumbled into the quad café and came to a halt. The tree was on fire. Every single branch.
“-He does it because he can and the only motivation he truly needed were two fools who thought themselves the black version of Sherlock and Dr Watson. The incentive was to make you fail. Simple as. And with my help he has done it,” Brian stepped into the water.
A Santa Claus clad figure turned round and removed their hooded clothing. The Santa hat, beard and coat that the individual wore dropped to the ground. Kingsley’s mouth hung open in shock.
“The only thing your idiotic friend got right was the name of your case-‘secret Santa’. The identity of Santa had to be secret until the very last moment or it all would fall apart. The only thing that’s going to fall apart now is your life!” Brian said and with that jumped into the lake taking Kate with him kicking and screaming. Josh ran but the world began to spin, his head felt light, his sight blurred into a smudge and his chest felt as if a knife was being dragged through it. Josh made it to the edge of the lake and fell down in shock.
Discreetly, Kingsley pressed 4 on his speed dial. His phone automatically began to ring Josh. The fumes the burning tree was letting off was repugnant but bearable. He had to stay focused and get to the bottom of the case.
“GR!?” Kingsley said “Gregory Ranger Wisdom,” GR was the same height as Kingsley, mixed race, curly haired and wearing a black blazer with brown elbow patches and brown jeans and trainers. It was clear these two young men had an influence on each other.
“Aww. It’s nice to know you still remember my name Kingsley, how long has it been?,” Gregory mused reminiscently.
“Mate let’s not get all classical, it’s been about 3 and a half months, what are you doing here? Why the carnage? Why the human rights gift tree appeal?” Kingsley said firmly. Gregory clapped his hands playfully.
“Well you know me… I love a bit of attention. Does that come under craving for fame?” he said pinching his chin in concentration. He genuinely wasn’t sure. Kingsley felt like punching him. He had always felt like punching him. Gregory was a great mind and had the rich parents and the resources to go far in life but amounted only to a clever show off, the proud fire-starter, the rebel. Even months after graduation-nothing had changed. The tree’s fire stopped and the whole thing started to smoulder. Kingsley had to squint.
“Why do you do it man?!” Kingsley said genuinely upset. “There are so many people who wish they could go to Uni but are going to get turned down this year. Another set of people will make it, do a degree and not ever really achieve their aim of working in their field of study. Some don’t have the money, or support but you-you have everything at your fingertips and you spit on it,” Kingsley said, his temper rising again.
“Well I can’t say I didn’t see the guilty trip coming, it’s what you do. You’re pretty darn good at them too. Save the ethics for the essays dear friend. I’m not a man who can be reasoned with because I don’t deal in reason, or logic. You know this. That’s why I always liked you, even though I pretty much hated you at the same time,” the fumes covered the quad misting it up. He could just about make out make out Gregory.
“I’m dealing in product design; that subject that your friend studies. I can see why you’re drawn to him-he has the mind of scientist and the capability of an engineer. He’s basically a lesser version of me. Makes sense, you always idolised me,” Gregory said with a grin. But he was serious. He was always serious.
“That’s the thing about you, you’re an egotistic genius. It’s always about YOU,” Kingsley growled. His heart felt a little drowsy if that made any sense at all. His beats per minute had dropped.
“Actually, not really. Not me- this,” he said pointing at the tree that had now extinguished completely and was hardly visible in the cloud that had encompassed them both. “I know what you’re like. Three years in class with you? I definitely know what you’re like-you talk a lot ‘Mr investigative journalist’ so I touched the tree with a coat of odourless poison that releases into the air when aflame. I did that during the week when you and your gay partner were running around playing detectives undercover,” Gregory said with a grin. Kingsley wanted to punch him and it wouldn’t be the first time in his life he felt this way but at this stage it was becoming the last time-ever. Kingsley dropped to his knees and fell on his side, struggling to breathe as the smoke spread. Sharp pains shot up and down his spine like current.
Gregory knelt next to him and drew a red line around him with a marker.
“I had an antidote if you’re wondering why I’m not coughing my lungs up.. You didn’t. It wouldn’t be fun if I told you what poison it was but keep working that inferior brain of yours. I win. You can’t beat me-ever,” Gregory said and left, leaving out the other exit on the other side of the café by pressing the emergency exit button. “Gregory popped his head in through the door and said,
“We should do this again. Maybe a double date so your ‘partner in crisis’ can come,”
Josh was in pitch black, his heart beating a couple of times every minute. The shared kiss with Kate must have given administered the poison to his system. The poison had clearly taken a hold on him and the antidote Isaac spoke of wasn’t kicking in properly. Then his chest began to vibrate. At first he thought it was his heart, then he realized it was his phone. Kingsley was calling him. It had to be him. He opened his eyes and a wall of sound re-introduced him to the world along with a generous helping of pain in so many places Josh wasn’t sure where to complain about first. Then Kate came to mind. He heard splashing. He got up and orange lights beaming from the lamp posts on the other side of Frobel lawn reached his eyes almost blinding him. The cold was welcoming to his senses and without another thought, he took a run up and dived into the pool like a dolphin. The rescue was very simple. Josh could swim-Brian couldn’t. Sometimes things did go your way. One of those times was this time. He grabbed Kate’s midriff and tugged her away from Brian by holding his manhood and squeezing until he simply let go. A very useful trick. There was minimum struggle. Brian was too busy in pain and trying to stay alive Josh laid Kate on the ground where she began to cough up all sorts of ungodly bits and pieces from the lake. Josh reconsidered kissing her for a while until she got cleaned up. He hugged her instead. She hugged him back. Both looked at Brian struggling to stay afloat. In the back of the wagon there were gardening implements and a pretty long rope. Kate and Josh had the same idea.
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