Wise Things That Other People Have Said
By Mark Finnemore
Copyright 2011 Mark Finnemore
Smashwords Edition
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Wise Things
(That Other People Have Said)
They are clichés, and have survived the test of time, because they hold truths.
Don't avoid the clichés -- they are clichés because they work.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded of the things we already know
A few years ago, after I finally figured out that being angry most of the time wasn't all that much fun, I made a decision to make happiness a priority in my life. But I wasn't really sure how to go about it. So I started reading more books and copying sayings and phrases that struck me as relevant to my situation at that particular time. Then I made it a habit of reading through some of those sayings each morning. I would stop when I reached something that seemed important to me at that particular moment, something that set me in the right frame of mind for the day. And then at the end of the day I would read through some more, to set me in the right mood for the night.
As the title says, these are wise things that other people have said. In compiling this list, I thought it was the words that were important, not who said them, so the speakers are not included here (although there is a list for further reading at the end). Even more important are the thoughts that follow the words -- your thoughts. Without those, they are merely words, with no meaning. As such, I do not claim any trademark, copyright or patent to any of the sayings that follow, only to the selection and arrangement herein; even if I think I might have said a few of them first, I probably just heard or read them somewhere else, jumbled them around in my mind, and misremembered where I had originally heard or read them.
So, just read through a few each day until something strikes you as relevant to your life at that moment; then stop reading, think about it, and then just go about your day. Repeat the next day and the next and the next, etc, starting back at the beginning of the list when you reach the end. Each day, and each reading, something different will strike you as relevant or insightful. What you skipped over as meaningless on your last reading might be just the thing to get you through today.
So, let the journey begin. . . .
Disclaimer: If you suffer from severe depression, debilitating anxiety, substance abuse, domestic violence, or self-destructive behavior, seek the services of a licensed therapist or other professional trained to help you manage these types of issues.
This book is dedicated to Panji, who helped me want to become a better person and convinced me that there was still time to do it.
This book is for anyone who might get some help from it.
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If you don't control your anger, then your anger controls you
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You are not alone. Who hasn’t found disappointment in the world? Who hasn’t felt anger and frustration? Who hasn’t felt powerless to make a change? Who hasn’t felt the urge to give up? Who hasn’t felt dependent on someone else?
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Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might as well put that passing time to the best possible use.
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How can you discover something new if you think that you already know all the answers?
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There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and never starting
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Change begins with the person in the mirror
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No one can save us but ourselves. We ourselves must walk the path
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The first step is self awareness
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You don’t have to be clever, good looking or talented to be happy – but you do need to know yourself
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You can change only after you have accepted yourself as you are.
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Accept who you are and at the same time work to grow and change
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You are perfect just as you are . . . and you can use a little improvement
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It’s never too late to become what you might have been
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Even the rockiest road can lead to a happy ending
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Everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
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We have no choice but to start from where we are right now and move forward from there.
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Real change always begins with a change in thinking
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You have the right to feel anger or sadness or anything you want, but how is that working?
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Is this the way you want to feel?
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There’s no better time to be happy than right now.
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What is really important in your life?
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The tragedy of life is not how soon it ends, but how long you wait to begin it
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Learn what you can from the past, but concentrate on what you can do to shape your future.
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Three-quarters of people sometimes feel like they don't have the experience or skills to meet all the challenges they face.
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As long as you are alive, you always have options -- there is never nothing you can do
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The first step to getting the things you want out of life is deciding what you want.
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If someone asked you what gives your life meaning, how would you respond?
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Start with a general commitment to live life in a meaningful way
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Make happiness the most important pursuit of your life.
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Happiness is an achievement not a gift
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You’d think it would be easy to be happy, but that’s not always so. You have to be aware. You can’t be in a hurry. And you have to welcome the experience.
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Happiness is something you have to work for — you have to find it, it doesn’t come looking for you.
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The Constitution only guarantees the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself
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Happiness is no accident. You have to work to achieve happiness — the greater and more consistent the effort, the greater the eventual reward
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Happiness occurs in moments, not hours, days, weeks, months, or years.
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To become an optimist, start by becoming a realist. Accept that life is difficult
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One of the greatest secrets of happiness is gratitude.
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There is a secret to happiness and it is gratitude. All happy people are grateful, and ungrateful people cannot be happy
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Stop attaching conditions to happiness. Detach your happiness from success, accomplishment, and material possessions. Detach from the need for anything or anybody to be different in order for you to be happy right here and right now.
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Does money equal success? If so, then the average twelve-year-old drug dealer is more successful than Mother Teresa, Shakespeare, or Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Does success mean power over other people’s lives? If so, then a terrorist is just as successful as Gandhi, Lincoln, or the entire graduating class of a major medical school.
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Does success mean controlling how people think and act? Then pop stars and celebrities are certainly as successful as Jesus.
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The true measure of success is being able to look in the mirror and know that you had the courage to live your values
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Fight the tendency to look at others to see how far you've come. Run your own race
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You can't have it all, but when you know what's important, you don't want it all anyway.
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Count your blessings more than your problems
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Happiness isn’t about having it all; it is about appreciating what you do have.
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Why do you want what you want?
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To live life to the fullest, keep learning, keep laughing and keep loving
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Even if you’ve been mistreated, in the end only you can make yourself into a victim.
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The next time you’re stressed out or in over your head, think about how you’ve dealt with other difficult moments and trust that you have it within yourself to deal with this one as well. The real truth is that you have all the inner strength you need.
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Everything can be taken away but the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way
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Things happen to us all the time. You don't have much choice about that. But where we do have choice is in what we do with what happens
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Don’t obsess over your own shortcomings
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Think about your troubles only when there is some purpose in doing so
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When you really think about it, all problems are caused by not loving yourself. Loving yourself is the most important thing you can do, because when you love yourself, hurting others isn’t necessary to feel better about yourself. And what other people think of you is not your business and it’s not your problem.
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The first step in feeling more confident is to figure out why you experience a lack of confidence.
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The typical adult engages in negative self-talk up to 80 percent of the time
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Notice and alter habitual patterns of thinking
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Much of our thinking is the same old story, over and over. Notice the story. Notice the things you think over and over that may actually have little to do with the situation.
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Pay attention to your thinking. Are your thoughts causing confusion and anxiety, or are they helping you to feel clearer, more loving, and more compassionate?
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Let go of habits that do not help you
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Once you're able to observe your own thinking, you hold the power of choice
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Be authentic. It takes too much energy to hide our faults and pretend to be something we’re not
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A good self-image doesn't follow success -- it precedes it
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Once you have failed and know it doesn't destroy you, you can choose to get up and try again
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70% of worries are about things that never actually happen or can never be changed
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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
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You cannot control other people. You can only control yourself, your reactions, and your attitude
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The need to be in control and to dominate is a common expression of fear.
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In frustrating situations, ask yourself: What can I do in response to this that will make my situation better? Getting angry is almost never a good answer.
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Never find your delight in another's misfortune
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Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire
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What traits you dislike in others, do not display to others
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What you do not like when done to yourself, do not do to others
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It is difficult to know others if you do not know yourself
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Judging
is easy; understanding is hard
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Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses
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The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong
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There is no revenge as complete as forgiveness
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In taking revenge, a man is equal to his enemy; but in forgiveness, he is superior
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
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Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
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An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind
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Anger begets anger, niceness begets niceness.
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Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule
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Getting angry isn’t always a choice, but letting go of anger is.
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Conflict resolution does not need to be either victory or defeat.
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Be willing to let go of old disappointments and forgive others—and yourself.
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We’re all in this together
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View others not as adversaries, but as partners
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Be friendly to everyone, not only those of status and position
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Suffer from reverse paranoia -- assume everyone is out to help you
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Assume that everyone is operating with good intentions, until they prove otherwise
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None of us knows what another person is thinking
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Your perspective is only one of many legitimate views
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Don’t assume that other people’s actions have something to do with you
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It is never productive to take any comments personally
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Our version of "normal" does not always correspond with other "normal" people
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They’re not necessarily crazy, they’re just not you
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Tolerate the shortcomings of others and they will tolerate yours
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What you give to others is given back to you
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Treat others not only as you want to be treated, but as they want to be treated
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If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything
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Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom
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Be honest -- you know how burdensome life can be when it’s full of lies and secrets
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No matter how painful the truth may be, it’s never a good idea to lie to yourself
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Telling the truth can be very refreshing, even though it can also be painful
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The only man who never made a mistake is the man who never does anything
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It's not possible to learn if you’re afraid of making a mistake
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Making mistakes simply means you are learning
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If you're not making mistakes, you're not learning anything
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Mistakes are evidence that someone is trying to do something
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Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of many mistakes
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If I had known what I know now, I would have made the same mistakes sooner
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Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall
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Don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t have all the answers
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Life often gives you a surprise quiz and a failing grade before you even get to learn the lesson
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Everyone fails at some point
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Success rarely happens on the first try
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Failure leads to success
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Failure is not falling down, but staying down
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Mistakes and failures are the price you pay for achieving any success.
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It took thousands of failures to invent the light bulb
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To have a great idea, have a lot of them
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Learn from your mistakes and then move on
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You can either quit or pick yourself up and move forward
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Learn from the past and move forward
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You can't move forward until you let go of the past
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Not bothering to try guarantees failure
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Being bad at something usually just means that you are trying something new.
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Anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly at first
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Success consists of being able to go from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm
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To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing
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The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows
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Whenever you fall, pick something up
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Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
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It's not how many times you fall; it's how quickly you get back up
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Excuses will never solve any problem
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Don't just admit mistakes; learn from them
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What did you do that contributed to the problem or failure?
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What can and will you do to rectify the problem?
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How would you handle a similar situation next time?
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The world breaks everyone and afterward some are strong at the broken places
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The most satisfying stories come out of struggles
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We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world
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No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities—always see them, for they're always there
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In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity
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You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
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It's easy for people to be their worst critics; it’s hard to become your own best advocate.
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Become your own best supporter
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The most important things ever said are the things you say to yourself
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The biggest person standing in your way is you. Others can stop you temporarily -- you are the only one who can do it permanently
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Stand guard at the door to your mind
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Be willing to forgive yourself, and even laugh at yourself
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One of the greatest moments in anybody’s developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is
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Treat yourself like you treat those you care about. Just as you would forgive them, forgive yourself and make room for your mistakes as valued learning opportunities that help you grow.
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The only disability in life is a bad attitude
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When anger rises, think of the consequences
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If you would cure anger, do not feed it
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You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger
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In the end, how much does what you’re angry about really affect you?
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We can disagree without being disagreeable
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If you look for the positive, you’ll find it. And the same goes if you’re always looking for the negative.
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Try to be happy unless something happens that makes you unhappy, rather than unhappy unless something makes you happy
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Make today a happy day — don’t wait until tomorrow
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When we choose not to focus on what's missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present, we experience heaven on earth
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Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be
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What happens to us is not nearly as important as how we react to what happens
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No one has everything they want
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Success is no antidote to misery and misfortune, nor is it a guarantee of happiness
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Increased income has little effect on how positive a person feels
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Judge your life not in terms of titles, promotions, brand names, and square footage, but in terms of the amount of joy and happiness that you feel on a daily basis
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Optimists don’t deny that bad things happen in life — they just refuse to dwell exclusively on the negative.
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Happiness and anger can’t coexist. So the next time you find yourself frustrated by the way things are, look for something positive you can be happy about.
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Angry thoughts lead to anger, sad thoughts lead to sadness, and happy thoughts lead to happiness
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People who are weighed down by the past are rarely happy. They spend far too much time looking backward instead of forward and, as a result, often overlook the positive things in their day-to-day lives.
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You feel disappointed, angry, frustrated, or resentful because you’re comparing what is to what you think should be or could be.
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How many times have you become unhappy because of something completely out of your control? How many times have you let other people's opinions of you or even the weather control how you feel? How many times have you said, "If only it wasn't raining, then I would be happy"? A happy person will accept the rain and go on with life.
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Learn to accept circumstances as they are, not as you would like them to be
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Your happiness is determined more by your state of mind than by anything else
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The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our own attitude, not upon our circumstances
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The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.
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Focus on the good things in your life and you will be happier
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Don't ignore what’s wrong, but if you spend all of your time focused on what’s wrong, you’ll make yourself miserable.
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Gratitude is one of the major keys to happiness. If you are feeling grateful for what you have, you will be happy. On the other hand, if you are constantly focusing on what you do not have, you will be miserable most of the time.
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Be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little. And if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick. And if we got sick, at least we didn't die.
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The more things you own, the more things own you.
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Amassing possessions will never be as important as experiencing the truly enjoyable pleasures in life
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It is essential to happiness that our way of living should spring from our own deep impulses, and not from the tastes and desires of our neighbors
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Imagine you’re all alone on an island. What clothes would you have? How many pairs of shoes? How big would your house be? Much of what you think you need now is merely stuff you want in order to impress others.
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Appreciate living in the moment instead of being distracted by looking toward a past and future that don’t really exist.
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The problem with wishing it was Friday is that you're wishing away days of your life every week -- enjoy each day as if it was Friday!
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There is no other place than right here, no other time than right now
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Look for reasons to celebrate your day -- there are plenty
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Joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are
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Choose to enjoy life's simple pleasures
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Become a tourist in your own neighborhood
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Every week do something that you will remember for the rest of your life
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Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it
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Appreciate the world around you -- children playing, birds singing, flowers blooming, the sun setting.
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Stop and notice the magic all around
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Notice how you respond to disappointing circumstances
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Accept life's stressful moments as challenges, not threats
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It is often by confronting our toughest obstacles that we find our greatest strengths
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Adopt a problem-solving approach to whatever you’re up against
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When anxiety strikes, remember that you have dealt with similar events before and you have the tools to get through this as well.
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Life is difficult. This is one of the greatest truths. Once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters
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Why me? Why not? Life is neither fair nor unfair; it's simply life. Bad things can happen to anyone. "Why me?" assumes you should be exempt from the pain everyone else feels. Life's challenges happen to everyone
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Life isn’t fair — the sooner you accept that, the better
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You've overcome problems in the past, so you've got what it takes to overcome whatever problems life deals you
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Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you
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You must maintain unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties—and at the same time, have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be
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Don't dread the difficult days; expect them. In fact, learn to relish the growth and opportunity that such experiences allow
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People are frequently misunderstood, but for the most part, they want to do their best
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Listening is one of the most important relationship skills that you can develop
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Communication requires that you listen
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People feel obligated to listen to you if you’ve actually listened and heard them
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Most people are either speaking or preparing to speak. Listen with the intent to understand.
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Don’t spend the time when the other person is talking thinking about what you’re going to say next – listen!
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The cure for being overly talkative is simple: listen.
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Rather than be certain of what is right, stop to listen to other perspectives.
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Those who talk, sow; those who listen, reap
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We make a serious error when we assume that the person we are talking to is indeed receiving the exact message we intended to send
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Each of us takes the words we hear and the actions we see and overlays our own experiences on them. For example, the word “fish” may prompt some to remember fishing by a lake, others to imagine visiting an aquarium, and still others to think about eating at a seafood restaurant.
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If we recognize our prejudices, preconceptions, and hot buttons, we have a chance to understand some of the reactions we give to or get from other people.
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Learn to be more forgiving of ourselves and others by understanding that emotional triggers affect everyone; they do so because they intrude, in one way or another, on something we hold dear
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Ask other people what they really mean before reacting to them based on your own assumption
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Take the time to ask, “What did you mean by that?” and then really listen to the response.
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Don’t assume everyone has some ulterior motive for everything they do
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Setting priorities means saying "no" to some things so you can say "yes" to others
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Nothing is as fatiguing as an uncompleted task
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Knowing you have something to do that should already have been done increases stress
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It is a good rule to face difficulties at the time they arise and not allow them to increase unacknowledged
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The most valuable lesson is to learn to do what you have to do, when you have to do it, whether you like it or not
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In almost every situation, procrastination is an enemy
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Procrastination doesn’t begin until you have all the facts needed to move forward
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If you could accomplish only one thing right now, what would that one thing be?
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One of the most important decisions you can make is to decide what’s most important
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Is this the best use of my attention at this moment?
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The most difficult thing is to clearly understand what you want … but it’s also the most important thing
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Multitask only if you want to do multiple things poorly
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To do two things at once is to do neither well
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Too many priorities equal no priorities
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When you accept the fact that you're not perfect, you develop the confidence to move forward
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External measures won't repair you. Money won't fix you. Applause, celebrity, no number of victories will do it. The only honor that counts is that which you earn and that which you bestow. Honor yourself.
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Even in the darkest days, spring will return
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There is always a way to make things better, you just have to find it
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The path to success does not necessarily follow a straight line
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Claim the life you want -- one day at a time, one choice at a time
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If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten
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Feel complete and comfortable with circumstances just as they are and simultaneously work to make improvements
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Today is victory over yourself of yesterday
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Don't let ego get in the way of common sense
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Don't run away from problems -- move toward opportunities
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Pay attention to what is going on in the moment
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How do I typically react in difficult situations? How can I react better in the future?
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When you are confronted with a situation that is beyond your control, recognize that you still have a choice: you can decide how you will react to it. You can accept it and direct your energies to the areas where you can make an impact
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Don't spend your time on things you can't control. Instead, spend your time thinking about what you can control
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Most of the walls we beat against are of our own making. We put them there, and we can take them down
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Don't take failure too personally. Sometimes it’s not your fault.
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Success is not forever, and failure isn't fatal
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People who are overly concerned about doing every little thing right may very well wait so long to do anything that they end up doing nothing
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In five years, will this even matter?
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Worrying about an event can be worse than actually enduring the event itself
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Will wasting any more time mulling over this situation accomplish anything?
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Is this worry leading to some action? If not, set it aside; if yes, then do it
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Every crisis builds confidence and competencies for what comes next
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If you’re going through hell, don’t stop -- keep going
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We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
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Be aggressively optimistic
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The best way to create a feeling is to act as if you already feel it, and you soon will
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If you behave as if you are happy or excited, you will soon begin to feel happy or excited
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Behave as if you were already the person you want to be
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If you want to be happy, you don’t have to like the way life is — you just have to accept that it is that way
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Optimism isn't based on denial or wishful thinking. It stands on a rock-solid history of overcoming previous obstacles and setbacks
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Unrealistic expectations are a sure road to unhappiness and disappointment. But failing to appreciate the best in life is equally unhealthy
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Hope for more, but don't be thrown if you receive less
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If nothing is ever enough for you, your search for happiness will never end
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Being grateful for what we have, helping others, and building meaningful relationships are the keys to happiness.
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A happy person is someone who, at least at this moment, is full. They have enough of something they value.
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If you find yourself making comparisons between your lifestyle and other people’s lifestyles, make sure you spend as much time comparing your situation to those less fortunate than you are
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A sense of entitlement — a feeling that you have a right to something — is the root of much unhappiness
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Don’t attach your happiness to particular outcomes or specific results
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In any situation, you can choose how you represent what is taking place. You can give away your power and let outside circumstances take away your happiness, or you can claim your right to be happy, regardless of what is going on around you.
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One of the most important keys to happiness is focus. What are you focusing on? Learn to focus more on those things in your life that make you feel good.
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Safety is a prerequisite to happiness, and you can never feel totally safe if you’re living a lie — you’re always on guard that someone will find out the truth.
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The truth — not just telling the truth, but living the truth — leads to happiness
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Happiness is about being more and more of who you really are.
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Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are all in harmony
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Boredom and idleness are not the same as unhappiness — in fact they may be essential to our well-being.
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If we don’t learn to value boredom, we will continue to do things not because they’re valuable, but because we need to do things. The result isn’t a satisfying day, only a busy one.
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We ruin our lives by striving for trivial outcomes which give us no pleasure
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It isn’t about taking over the world; it’s about enjoying your world as much as possible
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Slow down and pay attention
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By paying close attention to ourselves, to others, and to the situation we increase our understanding
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Notice what people do, without becoming impatient or irritated
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Blaming other people for what we perceive as injustice cannot make us happier
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Do not expect more from “society”, expect more of yourself
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Fear of what others think creates a desire to manipulate them. The real secret is in becoming true to ourselves, not bending others to our will.
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Two out of every three adults in the United States report that they fidget, fuss, take secretive glances in windows and mirrors, and study other people's reactions to the way they look
*******
Become more aware of how we are unwittingly influenced by appearances so we can consciously start to look beyond the face and into the substance of the person
*******
Judge yourself; if we are people of worth and integrity we do not need other people to tell us what to do and what not to do or if we are good or bad.
*******
Judge your own behavior. You don't need the approval or the criticism of others if you know you're doing the right thing
*******
Stop letting other people tell you what you want. Become independent of the opinions of others. Stop your endless search for approval and acceptance from others. If you don’t, you will never find true happiness.
*******
Separate your reactions from other's behavior or you're just a puppet
*******
Just as we have rights, so do other people. And just as we expect to have our rights respected and recognized we must do the same for others
*******
Listen to understand rather than to find out who is right or wrong
*******
Focusing on blame blinds us from seeing alternatives and solutions
*******
Instead of looking first to place blame, look to give others the benefit of the doubt
*******
Look toward the solution, not the problem
*******
Avoid making assumptions — to believe that something is true without any basis in fact
*******
Don't defend your assumptions, question them
*******
Judging others gives us some misguided permission to dislike someone — or worse — and to act upon it
*******
No one is right all the time — not even you!
*******
Have reasonable expectations of yourself — and others
*******
Being positive is always a bridge to good relationships
*******
Determine what your boundaries are, stick with them, defend them without attacking
*******
Boundaries lead to predictability, and predictability leads to solid foundations for relationships
*******
Maintain your values and ethics, but don't be afraid to change your opinions
*******
It takes great strength to reveal vulnerability rather than hide it behind aggression
*******
People are fearful of change. The primitive part of our brain associates change with the unknown and so reacts to it with caution, fear and aggression.
*******
When you trust your own abilities, you overcome fear
*******
One who does not trust themselves can never truly trust anyone else
*******
Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength
*******
As there are many stars in the night sky, so there are many Ways. Just because one may shine more brightly than the others does not mean that the others do not also cast light.
*******
All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet? What reflection do others see when they look at you?
*******
Consider how much more often you suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.
*******
I have never repented that I held my tongue, but often that I had spoken
*******
Speak fewer words yourself and listen more to the words of others
*******
None is so perfect that he does not need at times the advice of others
*******
If you're talking, you aren't learning
*******
Don't talk when I'm interrupting
*******
Sarcasm is always resented and seldom forgiven
*******
Opinions differ, so there must be differing ideas on the same matter
*******
It is much easier to criticize than to be correct
*******
One who listens only to himself has a fool for an advisor
*******
Many of the mistakes we make are because we don’t really know the things we think we know
*******
It is impossible for anyone to learn that which he thinks he already knows.
*******
The greatest obstacle to knowledge is not ignorance — it is the illusion that you already know
*******
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
*******
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't.
*******
Education is like a double-edged sword. It may be turned to dangerous uses if it is not properly handled.
*******
A tool can be used as a weapon
*******
Learning does not teach understanding
*******
We cannot learn wisdom; we must discover it
*******
To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe
*******
In a controversy, the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.
*******
It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right — especially when one is right
*******
No man likes to have his intelligence questioned, especially if he has doubts about it himself
*******
Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening
*******
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference
*******
See things as they exist now. Not as you'd like them to be, not as they were ten years ago, not as they're written about, but as they really are
*******
A decision is not action
*******
Start with a clear understanding of your destination
*******
You will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.
*******
Many times you learn best when you’re in the middle of a storm
*******
Don’t jump to a solution before you understand the problem
*******
Don’t bring up a problem without potential plans or suggestions
*******
Don’t dump problems in someone else’s lap without at least trying to find a solution — come in with an idea
*******
Most people focus on what they want the truth to be — focus on the truth as it is
*******
In a heated argument we often lose sight of the truth
*******
Take responsibility for your actions
*******
Denial is dangerous
*******
Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions
*******
Increase your ability to cope instead of hoping that somebody else will take care of things for you
*******
Do not make excuses to justify why things are the way they are and don’t complain about the way things should be — accept reality and work to make positive things happen
*******
Disappointment is inevitable. Don’t use your disappointments as an excuse; use them as opportunities for growth.
*******
Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and calm under all circumstances
*******
Calm determination is key in all things
*******
Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely
*******
Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace
*******
There are few joy stealers more insidious than past memories that haunt our minds — forget the past!
*******
Don't find fault. Find a remedy
*******
Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little
*******
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good
*******
In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true
*******
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care, for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill
*******
Act like an adult and treat other people like adults
*******
If you make an effort to like people, it is harder for them to dislike you
*******
If you show interest in other people, they will have interest in you
*******
Offer to help other people, and they will want to help you in return
*******
If you develop curiosity about other people they will be curious about you
*******
A positive attitude in everything gives you a better perspective in life and will affect how others react and relate to you
*******
One of the easiest ways to create a positive impact is to smile. A smiling person gives the impression of being pleasant, attractive, sincere and confident.
*******
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up
*******
Offer your full and undivided attention to the party with whom you are speaking
*******
Spend twice as much time listening as you do talking
*******
Ask more and tell less
*******
Look interested in what is being said
*******
Avoid thinking up counter-arguments before the other person has finished talking
*******
If you start formulating responses in your mind or constructing rebuttals before the other person stops talking, you’re not truly engaged
*******
Listen with your whole body. That means quieting your own activity as a first step
*******
Listen as if there was no one else in the world
*******
Pay attention to whoever is talking to you. Don't look at everyone who walks by, or the TV, or your phone. Most people tend to take offense if the person they are talking to shows complete disregard for what they are saying and may take it as a personal insult.
*******
Make the person with whom you are engaged in conversation with feel like they are the only person in the world
*******
Act as if the other person is absolutely fascinating. Treat them like a movie star. Pretend that person is going to give you a million dollars if he likes you.
*******
You never learn anything when you’re talking
*******
The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is so we may listen more and talk less
*******
The fundamental purpose of listening is to gather information, to understand
*******
Being heard and being understood is a natural desire for all human beings
*******
When we ask others, we send the message that they are important
*******
When giving an opinion, be sure it doesn’t come off as the only reasonable view — because it never is
*******
Listen
as if there is nothing in the world that is more important than what
the other person is saying.
*******
Affirming others doesn't threaten your own self-worth; it confirms it. Only those who are self-confident have the ego strength to watch others succeed. It's those who are not confident who must steal the credit to prop up their own inadequate self-worth.
*******
When you're truly confident, you aren't threatened by others' admirable attributes — their success doesn't take away from yours
*******
When you put the other person ahead of you, you end up ahead yourself
*******
The greatest gift that you can give other people is acceptance of who they are
*******
A sense of humor is part of getting along with people
*******
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people
*******
People consistently rate a sense of humor as one of the most valued attributes
*******
Be quick with a genuine smile and laugh
*******
The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that's laughter.
*******
There is no better card to play in life than the joker — even if you don't win, you have a heck of a lot more fun while losing
*******
Humor isn't just fun; it is actually healthy for you
*******
The safest target for your humor will always be yourself. If you can learn to laugh at your errors, the world will laugh with you – not at you
*******
If you laugh at yourself before others do, you win
*******
Make your humor positive
*******
A positive person is much more comfortable to be around than a negative, cynical person
*******
If you want to attract positive people, you must act positive
*******
You will become like the five people you spend the most time with — that can be a blessing or a curse. Be around people who bless you, not curse you
*******
Be honorable yourself if you wish to associate with honorable people
*******
Sarcasm is almost never helpful in moving a relationship forward positively
*******
Treating people dismissively is more likely to create enemies than friends
*******
Condescending, patronizing, superior attitudes lead to destructive relationships
*******
Another individual’s behavior may prompt various thoughts and reactions, but the emotions are generated by our own mind
*******
We generate our own emotions. No one “causes” us to experience a given emotion
*******
Anger is triggered when we feel that an agreement has been violated, an expectation was unmet, or that we have been treated improperly in some way
*******
Anger is often the result of conflict and frustration. If you’re experiencing some type of inner conflict — for example, between how you feel and how you act — that can express itself in hostility to others, rudeness, or irritability.
*******
Anger is a mirror into your heart and soul
*******
Sometimes it's just not worth fighting over
*******
We are honest in the only way we know how to be. What one person considers honest, another may consider inappropriate
*******
We often show caring for others in the very way we like to receive affection, without recognizing that the other person might experience our expressions as something else entirely.
*******
Whatever a person’s preference, the behavior of a person with the opposite preference can seem inconsistent and out of sync with our experience.
*******
A difference in response to situations is really less about “rightness” and more about judgment and choices.
*******
Spend twice as much time listening as speaking, keeping in mind that each person’s perspective comes from his or her experience and personality, which are likely different from your own
*******
Confidence never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions.
*******
Switch from judging to learning
*******
Avoid making assumptions about anyone or anything. If you don’t know for certain, ask
*******
Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future; concentrate the mind on the present moment.
*******
Today is the day. And right now is the time
*******
Don't count the days; make the days count
*******
Seeks to satisfy your belly and not your eyes
*******
Your gold is in your heart
*******
He whose desires are few gets them; he whose desires are many goes astray
*******
One who is satisfied with what they have is rich
*******
The voyage of discovery depends not on visiting distant shores, but on seeing the world with new eyes
*******
When hit with the unexpected, face the facts, deal with them, and move on
*******
Do what is right, regardless of the circumstances.
*******
Ask yourself, "What is the right thing to do? Am I doing the right thing?"
*******
No matter what has happened to you, you are not a victim. You are a survivor with choices about how you can respond to the hand you've been dealt.
*******
The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind
*******
You can only affect the future by staying in the present
*******
The best way to predict your future is to create it
*******
Be willing to take responsibility for your mistakes — and for the attitudes and actions that led to them
*******
Look for value in your experiences, especially the most difficult ones
*******
If your schedule is jam packed, any surprise — even a happy one — will be seen as an intrusion and will leave you feeling stressed.
*******
You are not responsible for anyone’s happiness except your own
*******
You can’t make your personal happiness conditional on someone else’s behavior
*******
Enjoy positive comments but do not falter in their absence
*******
The moment you need somebody to think, speak, or act in a certain way to make you happy is the moment you surrender your happiness to circumstances outside of your control and render yourself powerless in the pursuit of happiness.
*******
The moment you need things to be different in order for you to feel different, you become the puppet and circumstances, people, and events outside of you become your puppet master
*******
You give away your power by tying your hope and optimism to someone else’s behavior
*******
Peace and happiness come from within. Do not seek them without
*******
When you require the approval of others, they control your confidence
*******
Too often people feel their hope, commitment, and willingness to act lie in someone else’s hands. How quickly we are willing to give our power and our choice of who we want to be in the world to others, over whom we have no control.
*******
Spending money you don’t have on something you don’t actually need is like trying to fill a bottomless pit in your soul.
*******
Don't stop hoping for the best or wanting things or believing in things or having causes or planning or preparing for things, events, or people — just decide to stop attaching your happiness to the results of these things, stop needing things to work out a certain way to be happy
*******
If you want to have a happy life, there’s nothing like surrounding yourself with happy people.
*******
Seek out relationships that encourage and support the person you want to be
*******
Have joy in life and the willingness to share that joy with others
*******
Many go out to find a friend and find no one, while others go out to be a friend and find friends everywhere
*******
You can make more friends in a day by being interested in others than you could in a year by trying to get them to be interested in you
*******
The only way to have a friend is to be one
*******
Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
*******
Have gratitude for a hot cup of coffee and a place to work, for the light and for your life, for your spouse, for your family, for your strength, for your food, for the joy of living and for the exciting adventure that lies ahead as you work to invent a better future — one day at a time.
*******
Assuming that there is only one way to solve a problem can be the root of failure.
*******
If we think we know what’s going on, we stop paying attention to any new information that could prove us wrong.
*******
We constantly live out the idea that what we believe to be true actually is true
*******
If you would find the truth, it is first necessary that you doubt all things
*******
What else might be true that I do not yet see?
*******
Care enough about yourself to confront your own mistakes
*******
We all make mistakes. But what really makes mistakes expensive is not admitting them right away
*******
Hidden mistakes can become even bigger mistakes
*******
What specifically can and will you do to rectify the problem? If any constructive action or apology could help fix the problem or heal a relationship — do it
*******
Learn to take responsibility and apologize when appropriate, but even more important, solve problems instead of attempting to dodge them
*******
Although you can’t undo your mistakes, you can say “I’m sorry” and mean it.
*******
Apologizing for some transgression in your past is like removing a pebble from your shoe. It makes journeying through life a whole lot easier and less painful.
*******
Everyone would learn so much more from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying that they made them or blaming others.
*******
It’s better to be open; the problem is that it takes courage
*******
Confident people don’t mind being wrong — they see it as an opportunity to learn
*******
If you don’t have anything to prove, and hold no false pretenses, that is real confidence
*******
The way to develop self-confidence is to do the things you fear
*******
If you have confidence you have patience
*******
Don't react — respond. Take the time to understand
*******
Self-confident people never need to yell
*******
Meanness is a poor tactic used by the insecure, and it never works in the end
*******
Confide in your strength, without boasting of it; respect that of others, without fearing it.
*******
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy
*******
Serenity isn’t freedom from the storm but peace within the storm
*******
Don’t wait around for the storm to pass, learn to enjoy the rain
*******
Our brains hang on to bad memories, just like the good ones, forever. Getting beyond a bad event doesn’t mean that you forget that it happened — it just means that you have to detach emotionally and move on with your life.
*******
Now is always the right time to do the right thing
*******
The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear
*******
Do what is honorable, ethical, and right, because this is who you want to be
*******
It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it
*******
You have to re-earn your reputation every day
*******
Don't do or say anything you don't want to be caught doing or saying
*******
Respect yourself and others will respect you
*******
Use self-knowledge as an insight, not an excuse
*******
You have the right to change your mind. You probably used to believe in Santa Claus. To change is to grow and develop. If you challenge yourself, your ideas, your values, then change is inevitable.
*******
There may still be more to learn — you need to be mindful of the very human tendency to settle for the status quo
*******
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts
*******
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who say they have found it
*******
It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom
*******
One who would attain wisdom must first admit his own ignorance
*******
The fool thinks he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool
*******
Wisdom is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence
*******
We cannot control the tongues of others; but a good life enables us to disregard them
*******
What other people say is none of your business, and what other people say about you is none of your business either
*******
You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean itself does not become dirty
*******
Patience is the companion of wisdom
*******
To move a mountain, you must begin by carrying away small stones
*******
A jug fills drop by drop
*******
To go to a distance we must first traverse the space that is near. When ascending a height, we must begin from lower ground.
*******
How can one make the muddy water clear? Let it be still, and it will gradually become clear
*******
A wise man finds himself in no situation in which he is not himself
*******
The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it
*******
Even after we attain enlightenment, we still have to get up, brush our teeth, and go to work
*******
You wake up every day and choose which part of yourself to send out into the world. Be aware of who you send out.
***************
QUICK WITS
Do not indulge in anger
Be assertive, not aggressive
It's not what happens to you; it's what you do about it
Take responsibility for your life
Run your own race
Focus on what you can control
What we think, we become
Forget the past
This too shall pass
Don't take things personally
Develop your character
Be who you are
There is no failure. Only feedback
Don't fear criticism; seek it
Be quick, but don't hurry
Build relationships
Talk Less, Listen More
Listen and understand before speaking
Don't make assumptions — ask
There is no substitute for paying attention
Make others happy
Practice compassion
Do not take what is not given
Do not discuss the faults of others
Do not praise yourself at the expense of others
Choose hope and optimism
Have fun at whatever you do
Enjoy the journey
Look for reasons to feel good
Find things to appreciate
Appreciate all the little things
Count your blessings
Be positive
Look for and celebrate victories, large and small
Enjoying successes, large and small
See beauty everywhere you look
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(Pages 1-89 show above.)