Journey to My Heart
By Keerti Garg
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2011 Keerti Garg
Discover other titles by Keerti Garg at Smashwords.com:
Specks of Happiness- http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/69700
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Dedicated to
Asha
my mother,
Who erased all the answers in my notebook dictated by the teachers at school
And made me rewrite them on my own
And
Ajay
my soulmate,
Who makes every day poetic for me
And whose gentle, angelic sleeping face every morning
makes me blink twice when I wake up,
To ensure I am out of my reverie
I would like to express my profound gratitude to Professor Michael Ray and Professor Rochelle Myers for writing a life-changing book, 'Creativity in Business' on which the course at Stanford University was based, which I took in Fall, 2010. I am also deeply indebted to Professor Hal Louchheim and Professor Julie Daley for teaching this course.
Many thanks to Vinayak Garg who designed the cover page and to Dr. Asha Gauri Shankar, the photographer.
I would like to thank my alma mater St. Xavier's School, Shri Ram College of Commerce and S.P. Jain Institute of Management & Research for imparting the basic values and knowledge to me because of which I am my present self.
Most importantly, I would like to say a 'thank you' to my mother, Dr. Asha Gauri Shankar, my most important critic who has always been my guiding light and a source of inspiration. Thank you for being you and for listening to my long poems on the phone at 4 am and at 3 pm, without a single protest. Thank you for all your sacrifices- I try each day to make them worthwhile. I am also indebted to Dr. Ajay Gulati, my husband for his constant support and encouragement throughout the writing of this book. I am perennially thankful to God for showing me the way and for being with me every day.
Table of Contents
I first learned of the masterful creativity work, ‘Creativity in Business’, by Michael Ray and Rochelle Myers in 2002. The collection of tools and live-withs has helped thousands, perhaps tens of thousands, of people discover this eternal, internal resource – one’s personal creativity.
Immediately upon discovering Creativity in Business, I signed up to become a teacher of the work; I’ve been teaching it ever since.
In the fall of 2010, I met Keerti. One of 45 students in our fall course, Creativity and Leadership, Keerti immediately showed a deep and enduring interest in the work. Over the ten weeks of the course, Keerti consistently and genuinely dove into each week with enthusiasm and a sense of discovery – and this collection of poems is part of what emerged from that internal discovery.
This collection is an outward manifestation of Keerti’s willingness to dive into the tools and challenges, and to discover her Self and her Work. However, it’s not all that was created. As Matthew Fox wrote, “The most beautiful thing the potter creates…is the potter.” And in Keerti’s case, the same is true. While her poetry captures in words much of the transformation she experienced over these ten weeks, the most beautiful creation is the transformation within Keerti herself. It was, and continues to be, a sincere delight and honor to witness her Essence emerge.
Julie M Daley, PCC
Professor, Stanford Continuing Studies
September 12, 2011
I started learning guitar around a year back. It has been magical to put it succinctly. Recently, I happened to attend one of the classes of a four week summer session meant for 3-4 year olds.
I attended the toddler's class purely by chance. My class timing had been changed and it slipped off my mind. I ended up reaching two hours early. While I was waiting, I saw another teacher about to start the weekly class for toddlers. I was curious to see what music such young kids learn. So, I attended it.
There were eight kids, each with one of their parents. The group sat in a circle on the floor and the room was lined with an equal number of pianos. The teacher too sat on the floor with a Casio. She played the casio when sitting on the floor and the piano for the exercises that required the class to stand and move around. The class started with a hello song which was like an attendance song too. It addressed each student in turn and all conversations were sung rather than talked. Even the mommy's and daddy's had to sing out their attendance. During the course of the one hour class, the instructor introduced the concept of quarter, half and whole notes and also taught the Do,Re, Mi to the kids- all done so subtly and in a fun way that it didn’t feel like some rote learning but was more like a musical roller coaster- full of fun and delight and screams and hair pushed back by the wind. The kids ranged from shy ones just glued to the laps of their parents to ones moving all over the classroom. They were given mini musical instruments such as drums, jingle clogs, cluster bells, rhythm sticks, jingle wraps, hand tom toms and brass cymbals and were allowed to play as they wished to a song that was being played in the background. What struck me most was how perfectly a young boy played the drums when the teacher played the piano on one of the songs and he was not even aware of it, it came to him so naturally. The teaching of quarter, half and whole notes was done by moving an egg shaped shaker rhythmically, in time with the piano and while moving in a circle in the room. The class ended with the singing of some of the favourite songs of the students as requested by them. One of the kids wanted the song 'Banana' to be sung. The song was played on the piano and it consisted of saying the word 'banana' repeatedly, rhythmically. It went something like-Bananaa, banana, banaaaanaaaaa, bananaa, banana, banaaaanaaaa and so on. As soon as this song was over, another student, the one who had played the drums impromptu before, a blonde young boy with slightly longish hair falling just above his eyes that were big and enquiring said,' I want the song 'Apple' to be played'. And so, the song 'Apple' was played, again singing the word apple as many times with music. In reality, there was no such song as 'Apple' but the boy was able to think creatively and extend the concept of the 'Banana' song to the 'Apple' one. Maybe he liked apples better. The class ended with the kids lining up in the front of the classroom to get their fists stamped with a musical note in red ink.
As I sat at the back of the classroom, singing the Do, Re, Mi and shaking the egg shaker in time with the piano, I saw the kids, as young as three years old having faith in their creativity to be able to move with the music, without judging their capabilities and by paying attention to their surroundings. They were enjoying themselves and were just doing the task at hand, rather than procrastinating or contemplating too much. They were just being their creative selves and were in the world, yet not of it.
I took the course 'Creativity and Leadership' during the fall quarter of 2010 at Stanford University. This course taught the tools of creativity and encouraged the students to practice each one in the form of live-withs, one every week. I shared my experiences with each of the tools in the form of poems. This book is a collection of my poems written during this course.
I hope you would enjoy reading these poems and would be able to tap into your creative resource even more effectively. I also hope that you would embark and successfully complete the journey to your heart based on the tools I discuss in my poems. I would love to have your comments and hear about your experiences.
I wish your creative fountain overflows in this world.
- Keerti
The cover page is a photograph of the palm trees in the backyard of our house in California.
I chose this photograph for a specific reason- that it accurately represents the nature and rewards of embarking on the journey to my heart. The palm tree has a tall trunk, almost straight up which as one can imagine, cannot be an easy climb. Secondly, since they are quite tall, one can visualize how extraordinary and beautiful the view from the top of a palm tree must be. I consider climbing the trunk of the palm tree as the journey to my heart- a straight-up climb, not easy of course, requiring constant holding on and the view becoming prettier by the second. The top of the palm tree to me, represents my heart which is the destination of the journey. Just as the view from the top of the palm is stunning and provides a holistic view of the world and surroundings, similarly reaching my heart helped me see the world as magnificent and exquisite as it is. It provided me with its more complete picture, and such a different one which I had not seen till I made this journey. Of course, I have never climbed a palm tree in reality though I would like to, someday but when I see these trees in my backyard everyday, I couldn’t help relating my journey to my heart during this course and afterwards to climbing one of these trees.
I have
never felt so much rage
Cannot get my head straight around
anything
Cannot forget the insults and the slander
Cannot
forget the snide remarks
I want to be calm,
But I am like the
surface of the ocean
Tranquil on the top
But raging within with
countless things,
I need to find a way to find peace with myself
I
need to forgive and forget
But something is holding me back,
May
be it is that person who hurt me
Maybe it is his hurtful words
Or
maybe, possibly it is, as I am
Just beginning to
realise,
The person holding me back
And hurting me
the most is
Me myself,
By refusing to move on
And by holding
on to something preposterous.
I am born
again…
I wake up in the
morning
Like a baby just born,
And look at the world around
me
With total fascination,
Everything seems new and fresh
Like
an unopened package.
I hear the birds chirping in the
backyard
And I see the dew drops on the leaves,
I smell the
earth
I touch the soft flower petals
Velvety under my touch
And
I taste the happiness in the air.
I go for a morning
walk
Taking a different route from the usual,
The world seems
an unexplored, enigmatic place
I see trees with red colored
leaves
And I see a family of little ducks
In the pond that is
on my way,
I pass the 'Philz' coffee place
which smells of
crisp newspaper and honeyed laughter.
I come back and get down
to work,
Deciding to concentrate on
One thing at a
time
Taking care to pay attention
And do away with
multitasking,
And you know what I hear
I listen to my heart
talking,
Bringing me new insights
And telling me things
I
never knew about myself.
I spend the remainder of the
day
The same way,
Paying attention to everything and
everybody
And I hear not just words
But people’s emotions
talking to me
Such as when they are tired
But pretending
to listen anyway,
I postpone the meeting for another time
Since
it is of not much use
When the other person is mentally absent,
I
see the relief on his face
And feel the happiness in his heart.
I
surprise myself
At re-discovering this world,
Have been living
here for twenty six years
But simply paying attention
As
if I was born this morning
Has opened my world anew,
Like
someone just said "open sim sim"
How come I missed such
beautiful sights?
How come I missed such wonderful scents?
And
did I just use to babble,
Without seeing and hearing
what
was going on in the
Hearts of people around me?
Oh, I missed so
much
But am so glad that I was re-born this morning
And am now
making up for the lost time,
Slowly and steadily…
I am surrounded by people
Laughing and chatting,
It is a beautiful day
Sunny, bright and warm
A perfect one actually.
They are discussing a topic
And I am simply listening,
As isn’t that the first rule
Of a good conversation?
Am trying to converse
Than just communicate.
Suddenly the discussion
Takes an interesting turn,
Like I just turned a corner on the road
And an unexpected beautiful view
Comes in front of my eyes,
I am spellbound
But wait a second,
There is something
In the horizon
That I see, yet I don’t
It seems fuzzy,
Slightly hazy
I try to look closer, harder
With greater concentration,
As if that will help me know
What it really is.
Despite my best efforts
I just cannot be sure what it is
But I am curious to know,
Others are walking by,
Absorbed in deep discussions
As if they have understood
And seen what is in the horizon
Very clearly,
And without a speck of doubt.
I want to ask them
What is it that they see?
I want to know
What it is that is hazy,
And am not able to see?
But there lurks,
A devil of judgement
In my mind,
Laughing at me,
Telling me
How stupid I am,
The thing I am not able to see
Is as clear as day,
And even
Somebody with an iota of brain
Would be able to perceive it.
This devil,
The evil in my mind
Who judges and puts me down,
Has long enough subjugated me
And squashed me,
I have had enough of him,
I won’t let his ugly intentions win over me again
And so I firmly ignore him
And walk past him
In my mind.
There comes a new dawn for me,
A new phase,
A new day,
I boldly stop a passer by
And ask him,
What is that blurry thing in the horizon?
He smiles…
A warm, indulgent smile
A smile that instantly puts me to ease,
He then tells me patiently,
That they are just some mountains
In the distance,
Which are made up of
A unique colored sand,
And then he says,
That is the reason many people
Are not able to make out
What they are,
He continues
And adds that even he didn’t know
What they were when he first saw them,
And he asked someone
Who told him what they were,
He reflected,
Isn’t it always better to ask than
Keep the questions in one’s mind,
To know than remain in ignorance?
All this time
I was wondering and hesitating to ask the question,
Thinking it may be a dumb one
And that I am supposed to know it,
Thinking people would laugh at me
If I asked it.
This man,
This wise old man
Then starts to walk by,
But not before telling me
With a twinkle in his eye,
The only question that is dumb
Is the one you do not ask!
I suddenly am jolted
Out of my reverie,
Back amongst the group of people
With whom I was talking to,
Trying to listen intently
When the conversation
Had taken an interesting turn,
And I had gone into my daydream.
But learning from what I just dreamt about
I boldly, once again
But this time in reality,
Ask the question
I wanted to ask for some time now,
The group discusses it animatedly
Saying it is interesting and intriguing,
One which provides
A whole new dimension
To the topic they are debating,
They thank me
For my out of box thinking
Or rather my ‘out of building’ thinking,
A phrase I read somewhere
In an article recently.
I feel
Elated,
Exhilarated,
Joyful,
Happy,
At peace with myself.
I congratulate myself
At having asked
Than staying in the dark,
At having known
Than remaining in the unknown,
At having explored
Than shrinking in a corner,
At leading a new path
Than simply following
The age old one!
I cross the bridge
In my mind,
Leaving behind
Fear,
Ignorance,
Doubt,
And embracing
Faith,
Courage,
Unexplored paths
Which lead me to a
Glorious,
Magnificent,
Resplendent future!
Sixteen years back,
I was on the beach
With my brother and parents,
Making sand castles
With great effort and concentration,
Making them near the water first
Only to realise that
They were too near the waves
And would not be able to stay for long,
I learnt from each castle I made
How to build the one that will stay,
How not to do the things that will
Wash it with the waves.
The same way
As Edison tried more than nine thousand times
To make an electric bulb,
Learning each time
How not to make one!
After a few hours,
I was able to make
A colossal, magnificent, grand
Sand castle
One that was at just the right distance from the waves
So that it wasn’t washed away.
In the present day
Doing only things I love,
Takes me back sixteen years
To when I was ten,
And make me feel
I am on that beach again,
Loving each moment of the day
And learning from each mistake,
Even the mundane tasks
Involved in the things I love
Become fun.
I run,
I bike,
I swim,
I write,
I bake,
I play the guitar,
I write some more,
And still some more,
And words seem to be pouring out
Like water from a tap,
Like someone is telling me,
What to write
Like God is sitting next to me,
Guiding me at every step.
I feel free and liberated
Happy and exhilarated,
I feel my soul deep inside
And am able to reach the core of my heart,
I feel closer to myself
And connected to my essence,
I feel like I am living the life
I was supposed to,
I feel am fulfilling
The purpose for which
I was sent to this earth,
I feel weightless
Like I am floating in the space,
Just happy to be,
Feel each atom in my body
made up of joy and contentment,
rather than electrons and protons
I seem to be living
All my values,
Achievement, Commitment
Benevolence, Selflessness
Altruism, Conviviality
Determination, Enthusiasm
Excellence, Faith
Grace, Honesty
Hopefulness, Optimism
Persistence, Unflappability
Sanguinity, Calmness
Sharing, Teamwork
Thoroughness, Trust
Truth, Pragmatism
Warmth, Wisdom
Youthfulness and Zeal.
I try to love all I do,
Sometimes it is difficult
Sometimes challenging,
Like getting up early morning
When it is still dark,
And the world is sleeping
With not a whisper in the surroundings,
Even the squirrels in the backyard
Are not prancing around
Or, like cleaning my desk
Which is mostly a mess
But needs to be done anyway,
Or, like meeting some people
I don’t like,
As they tend to say the bluest things,
But then I think to myself,
It is their outlook
Why should it bother me?
And I stick on,
Play games with myself
Cloak these things,
In different colored
Wrapping papers of creativity,
So that they do not seem the same
And become easier to do,
I sandwich them between tasks I like,
I reward myself
With a slice of a warm brownie,
Or sometimes with
Just a handful of gummy bears,
I also look at the
Macro picture of my life,
Which helps me realise
How important it is,
To complete these things
If I have to reach my destination.
And just like that,
It all starts to make sense,
Why things are the way they are
And why they need to be done,
They start falling in places
In the big puzzle of my life,
And I start to
Love everything I do.
I feel so blessed
And so much at peace with myself,
And all it required
Was doing the things I love
And loving everything I do!
I left my secure home
In search of a precious flower,
Which was to be found
At the other end of the forest
we stayed in.
I did not stop to think,
About the possible
Obstacles that may come in my way,
I just left home
In search of the flower
With my adventure toolkit,
And my conviction
In my ability
To surmount
All challenges
That awaited me.
I started walking
When it was still daytime,
The journey seemed all right
Not that difficult really,
But by late evening
I was tired and hungry
Having exhausted my food supplies
And energy,
As the night began to fall,
The courage I felt at the start
Seemed to dissipate
A voice inside judged
Me to be incapable
Of managing through the night,
My inner light seemed to flicker for a moment
But then gained back the strength
Through the calm of my essence
And started burning stronger than ever.
I made keen observations around me,
And it struck me
That staying atop a tree
Would be the safest,
And so I climbed one
And rested peacefully there.
The warmth of the sun rays
Touching my delicate skin
Awoke me at dawn,
I rubbed my eyes
And kissed the air good morning.
The birds were chirping,
As if saying
Get up sunshine,
And make the world yours
I got down,
And continued on my journey.
I ate some fruits on the way
I found fallen on the ground,
I loved all I saw around me
Loving the journey made it seem,
So much easier
Finally I came to a riverside,
Not very broad but deep
I could see the flower
I was looking for
Across the river already,
But there lay a big stumbling block
In front of me
The river of course.
Would I have to turn back
When I was so close
To achieving my goal?
What was it
That was holding me back,
Stopping me from just doing it?
I reflected and found,
That it was my fear
Even though I knew swimming,
I was still afraid
Because I had never done anything
Of such magnitude
And of such importance,
I spoke aloud my fear to myself,
It was- This is too big an event for me
I am afraid I would fail,
Even though I have all the capabilities
Required to complete it successfully.
I questioned myself,
Why do I think I would fail?
The internal judging voice
Did not seem to have any answer,
It seemed to just stubbornly
Stand there looking at me,
Like a petulant child
Making unreasonable demands and threats
I decided to ignore it,
And trust myself
To go ahead with
Crossing the river,
I saw the vision of me
Holding that flower,
Beautiful and velvety to my touch
Pure and heavenly,
And all it took to make the leap
And just do it,
Was having faith in myself
And envisioning my success,
If you can dream it
You can do it.
And I forgot my fears,
And swam across the river
Reaching across in a matter of minutes,
How much pain the evils have caused us
That have never happened,
Most of the evils are only in the minds
And we allow them to grow bigger
And take over us,
We just need to rationalise them,
By comparing them with
How much we want something,
And then they seem so small,
And inane,
And fatuous,
And asinine,
And senseless,
That we begin to wonder,
Why we let them hold us back
In the first place
And for so long?
We need to go just one step beyond fear
Because next to fear lies our destination,
Fear is overrated,
It exists because we allow it to
I say to my fears-
both of us know that you do not exist,
So don’t even pretend you do
And I see them melting into oblivion
In front of me.
Holding this precious resplendent flower
In my hand
I feel deliriously happy,
And all I did was
Deciding what I wanted,
Conquering my fears,
And just doing it!
If I was water,
I would pave my way
Over anything and everything,
Nothing would be able to stop me,
And rock like obstacles too
Would have to become rounded
With my perseverance and patience.
I would see the world
As a constant changing place
The same way the scenery changes
For a stream of water
And feel in harmony with it,
Not attaching myself
To anything in particular,
Living only in the present
Enjoying the place am passing by,
Forgetting the past
The lands I have already passed,
Without worrying about the future
Not brooding over where I will head next!
I would feel wild and free,
Untamed, passionate and enthusiastic
About all I have to do ,
And I would let
My inner strength guide me.
I would make my way through
Valleys, mountains and plains,
I would be the one
Whom no one would live without,
Animals and humans alike
I would be all pervasive,
And present in a variety of forms
Like water, ice and steam.
I would see the world,
I would cleanse and purify
I would not only
Achieve things for myself,
But help the world too
I would be a source of inspiration,
And a role model too.
And the days would go by,
I would always continue on my journey
Never stopping a minute
For leading a happy and fulfilling life,
Requires continues efforts and diligence
Than spurts of energies!
Seeing with my heart
I saw people as my friends
All of them,
Even those who criticised me
I could understand more readily
Why they were the way they were.
When someone spoke badly to me
I could now empathise
That maybe he was having a rough day,
I could no longer be mad at him
For I understood
After seeing with my heart.
I went to a coffee shop
To have a slice of lemon cake,
But I came out
Getting a dessert and an
Understanding of people!
I saw an old man
Reading a newspaper
Drinking coffee and eating a bagel,
In some ways
I sensed his loneliness.
I saw a young mother
With two toddlers,
Each demanding a chocolate chip cookie
And a sugar glazed donut,
I saw her deliberating in her mind
As to how to manage her children.
I saw a young couple
With just a single cup of coffee
Getting cold between them,
And I saw them sitting there
Just to be with each other.
I saw a corpulent woman
Accompanied by a butter croissant,
A donut, a piece of cake
And a muffin,
Drinking a tall latte,
I saw her drowning her sadness
in food.
I saw a group of youngsters
Talking excitedly and animatedly
Amongst themselves
About the latest adventure trip
They were planning to undertake,
I saw young bubbly enthusiasm.
In a matter of an hour or so
I saw so many people
From diverse backgrounds
And of different age groups
Going through many of the same things
That I experience in my life,
Seeing them with my heart
Made me connected to them.
Everyone around me
Is exactly like me,
Having aims and goals,
Having longings and desires,
Having fears and anxiety,
Feeling joy and exhilaration,
Feeling despair and sadness,
Meeting the challenges of life
Day after day.
I find it funny that
How I thought
That it is the eyes that show me the world,
The reality however is
That I truly saw around me
When I used my heart as well!
I knew where I wanted to go
I knew what I wanted to do
And I knew how to get there,
My gut told me to go for it
Yet, there was a lingering doubt
A shadow of looming failure maybe?
Because of what others told me.
I was torn completely
Between what my heart said
And what others did,
I could not go on
With self-doubt
Without being completely sure
As to what I was going to do,
I closed my eyes
And recalled all the milestones
I had crossed till date,
The common thing between them
was that always,
I had done what my heart told me to,
Pushing aside what others prescribed
Or thought of me,
And then I saw the wise man in the woods
Telling me to go for what my gut told me,
Telling me to trust myself
And take that bold step forward
Into my glorious future,
And here I am standing on Everest today,
Looking at the world below
And gazing at my heart inside,
Recalling my journey till here!
I always used to strive
To make others happy,
Care and share
To make them feel valued.
I would compare myself
To people around me,
And despite my best intentions
Could not help feeling unhappy
And caged at times.
I would worry
For hours on end,
About the future
About the uncertainties
That life would bring,
Feeling suffocated and
Completely powerless.
I used to dwell on the past,
Going over and over
Events and conversations
That I had with people,
As if that would somehow
Modify it for the better
Or maybe erase it forever.
I would work diligently
Every single day,
But would always want
To be rewarded and recognised,
Would spend considerable time
On just wishing to be,
Than actually utilising those precious moments
For the actual purpose of becoming successful.
And then I decided to simply
Do my best,
Without seeking others' approval,
Without comparing myself with anyone,
Without worrying about the future,
Without dwelling on the past,
Without seeking recognition.
And I found a freedom
I had never experienced before,
I found a novel way
To express myself,
I found new ways of doing things,
Even the same people
I always used to meet,
Seemed fresh and flawless somehow
Like a rose just washed in dew
Minus the thorns.
I found new contentment
In my everyday work,
Peeping inside myself
Revealed things outside of me,
That had been out of reach till now
That somehow had eluded me,
But are now as clear as a cloudless sky.
I feel like a bird just released
From a cage,
That was not allowing it to soar
High in the aqua-blue sky,
Putting my best foot forward,
Helped me find my essence
Like the bird finds freedom in the sky.
Simply doing my best,
Without the baggage of
Impressing others,
Worrying and fretting and
Running after success,
Actually gave me all these things
Without even trying,
For when one does one's best
Success runs after you.
Being ordinary,
Made my existence and experience of life
Somehow extraordinary!
###
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About the Author
Keerti Garg is a writer originally from India, currently staying in California, USA with her husband. When she is not writing, she spends her time volunteering with non-profit organizations, playing the guitar, running marathons, swimming, baking and reading.
Discover other titles by Keerti Garg at Smashwords.com:
Specks of Happiness- http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/69700
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